I sat from afar... watching them.
The remnants from my lunch along with a crumpled paper napkin sat on the counter, my boots perched on the stool rungs as I sat wearing jeans and a softly faded white and grey striped pullover, my earrings dangling like glistening mini amber chandeliers as I reached in my handbag to dig around for a Chapstick and lipgloss. As I did, I glanced back over as they finished at the register and began striding toward my direction.
She was tiny, no more than four feet something and slender... with beautiful long dark glossy hair that she had taken the time to curl. She wore cerulean blue pants with heels and a quarter length sleeve blouse in a silky cream. I had seen them enter the store twenty minutes earlier... him in baggy jeans and a dress shirt, his hair immaculately styled, walking a good eight feet ahead of her, ignoring her as she struggled to navigate the uneven pavement in her precarious heels... heels she had worn in an effort to look nice. He swaggered ahead, cocky in demeanor and one would hope honestly oblivious to her struggle yet obviously questioning how on earth he could be...
Now she pushed the cart, struggling with the weight of it as it was filled to the top with groceries and essentials and yet he strode ahead once again seemingly oblivious to her existence. Then he stopped abruptly and waltzed past her. I watched as the scenario painfully unfolded... her coming to a halt with the shopping cart, turning back to call out to him...
He ignored her.
She called again "What is it?"
He threw a "I forgot something" back at her over his shoulder with visible irritation and kept walking.
She stood there for a split second like she was contemplating what to do... she looked like she wanted to cry then she let out an audible sigh and with frustration turned the heavy cart around to go back after him.
No, stop... I wanted to tell her.
I wanted to take her by the arm, sit her down and spell out all the ways he was no good for her... how he was treating her like she didn't exist, how he had been checking out another woman when they were at the register, how he was blantantly dismissive of her.
I wanted to tell her that no, she should not chase after him. That no, she didn't have to accept his behavior, that she had every right to put her foot down and say "no more."
I wanted to tell her she could do much better based upon his callous treatment of her, that she didn't have to settle to be loved with a love that was draining and never fulfilling because that's not love... that's death in a cup.
I wanted to tell her that somewhere there was a man who would love her, keep her on his arm, show the world how proud he was to have her yet not out of narcissistic egotism but out of gracious appreciation for her heart and soul. I wanted to tell her that yes, somewhere there was a man worthy of her love and that although she hasn't met him yet she can pray for him to walk into her life not with a boyish swagger but with a manly stride along with Godly character.
I wanted to tell her all these things...
Things she might know or not... things she may deny but later come to know as truth... things too painful to want to hear... things we often want to push away and sweep under the rug because listening to them means possibly facing them and watching the clock tick by as we lose more time in our youth, our life, to begin again as we wish to... not quite realizing how much we really are losing by investing ourselves in a love that doesn't really meet the definition of love.
Yet no matter what our age... whether we are five, twenty, or forty, we can pray for our future husband, our future love and ask God to keep him safe, keep him in His word, to give him wisdom and to guide him toward us. We can pray for a man of Godly character who will love us with sincerity... that calls us by name in genuine love and holds our hand to walk the narrow path together...
beyond blessed to have us by his side.
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013
image “Shopping Lady With Trolley” by digital art via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
As women we go into marriage wondering what is expected of us... what is it that our husbands want, need and desire. As brides it's sometimes difficult to know what (often undefinable) acts of love make up a wonderful wife... especially today when we wear so many hats, as some of us work outside the home in addition to caring for children and managing a household.
Likewise women who work from home have their own challenges as finding a balance is still needed. No matter how many hats we juggle in our role as a wife (and mother) it can be taxing and the pressure we may put upon ourselves infinite.
There is no such thing as a perfect wife…
anymore than there is a perfect husband.
Yet... there are some things we can keep in mind
and do to be the best wife we can be for our one love....
1. Don't nag
Seriously. It's a killer in a relationship. Like nail biting, once you start it's a difficult habit to break. But yet it can be done. Husbands don't want to be nagged. When we nag our children (like doing homework) it pushes them away creating the opposite effect we desire. It's not any different than for our husbands. We married to be his wife not his mother. Ignore his dirty clothes on the floor by the bed. When I was first married that was one of my pet peeves... his dirty clothes on the floor by his side of the bed. Yes, it's not attractive, I hear you. (It's truly not and it's not exactly a turn on) ... yet I found a solution... his "side of the bed" became the one by the wall so when I entered the bedroom I never caught a glimpse of his mess. Problem solved! No more (visible) mess. No more nagging. We can find a creative solution to make the situation manageable, bite our tongue or we can wear ourselves out nagging and drive him nuts in the process too.
When we choose instead to give life with our words and be an encourager whether it's what he's done to help around the house, what he's done to provide, etc... when we are his number one cheerleader, it lifts him up and then he will do the same for us (unless he's a narcissist, let's be real... then we are kidding ourselves and need to say "so long").
2. Have sex
Men want to feel wanted and desired by their wife. Sex tells him he's loved, he's accepted by you and it fuels his masculinity to go out and conquer the world. It lifts him up knowing he rocked your world (hopefully he is rocking your world... and not being a selfish lover) and you lit up his.
3. Men need a soft spot to land too
He needs to know you have his back, that you are loyal, that you are there for him at the end of a long day. He wants to see your smile at the end of each day, feel your embrace and hold you as his burdens melt away. Men feel enormous pressure (even if as a woman you contribute financially) to provide for his family and often they keep silent about this stress so as not to put any additional burden on you. As endearing as that might be it's important he knows he can come to you aboutanything... letting him know how much you appreciate the hard work he does, the hours he puts in and observing the latest strides he's made on a project or new client he's attained... he will appreciate your thoughtfulness and encouragement.
4. Pray together and for him
When we set aside time together to pray, read our bible, watch a program like Joyce Meyer as a couple... it draws us closer, uniting our focus to God and makes us evaluate where we are, how were doing and where we wish to go. If he doesn't make time with you a priority on a spiritual level don't let that hold you back... spend time with God, live authentically and let your faith shine... don't let anyone turn off your light!
5. Let him be the man
Let his masculinity shine. It seems today men are becoming more feminine and women are taking on more masculine qualities. In a society that is unfortunately becoming reversed it only takes watching one episode of the Bachelorette to see the manly ruggedness of beards, goatees and rolled shirt sleeves being replaced today by shiny waxed bodies, hair slicked with gel and skinny jeans... leaving some men spending more time in front of the mirror than the typical woman. As women we bring feminity to the relationship and to the home... we bring a soft touch, a caress, a whisper, a playful laugh... we bring curtains, flowers and scented candles... we bring the opposite of the man... the rough, the hard edge, the strength... and yet in that is the absolute sexiness of their ability to be gentle. Every woman needs to be able to hold her own, to stand on her own two feet as dependency is never attractive nor healthy... yet choosing to let his masculinity shine... letting him help you when you need it, lifting this, carrying that, letting him feel needed... he loves it.
As women wouldn't it be wonderful to have a guide on being the best wife we can be for our husbands... if there was such a guide (as well as one for husbands) just imagine how fewer divorces there might be. There isn't a magic solution out there but learning through trial and error, learning from others and following God's word to walk in purposeful love each and every day with our spouse and making them a priority will go a long way in living the best version of our love story!
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013
image “Couple Silhouette On The Beach At Sunset” by pat138241
"I can't find a hair elastic! I've searched everywhere!" I exclaimed.
Standing in the middle of my living room exasperated, I had already searched my bathroom drawer, my vanity, the dresser top, the kitchen counter, my purse... all the places I could think of where I might have misplaced a hair elastic.
My mother stood there looking at me with a smile starting to form at her lips...
"It's right there... you have one... on your wrist!"
I looked down and sheepishly replied "Oh... yeah, you're right." and we both laughed.
For girls ADHD is commonly missed and not diagnosed until adulthood... the effects of their struggles in school being long lasting and the ramifications being potentially even dangerous to their emotional and physical health.
Girls are commonly not being diagnosed for ADHD because educators, doctors and parents often erroneously believe it only (or mostly) affects boys. But the truth is boys and girls are both at risk of having ADHD... they just exhibit their symptoms differently.
Girls may tend to exhibit more in-attention, forgetfulness and are often perhaps the quiet ones, the shy ones who blend into the background and don't create any waves in the classroom so they may never reach a teachers radar that there is indeed an issue. These girls slip through the cracks in school and through the system, possibly just barely scraping by with grades in the seventies... not because they can't achieve nineties... as they are capable... but because they can't stay focused long enough to do their work.
The biggest problem is these girls go through school thinking their low or failing grades is a reflection of some deficit in their educational abilities or intelligence when in fact it's just an issue with keeping their attention on task and not on the bird flying by the window, the traffic outside, the sound of the air conditioning turning on, etc.
Combined with difficulties in time management and misplacing all the needed materials... (how many times will a teacher believe that someone truly forgot their homework?) it all comes down to an impeding of their potential. In turn these girls suffer from low self esteem and not really understanding why they feel different and can't seem to "get it together" unlike their peers. This leads to difficulties socially.... because they feel differently... despite the fact they have zero reason to feel bad about themselves yet often they unfortunately do. As girls grow older and enter high school estrogen rises... kick-starting a surge in ADHD symptoms. Because her ADHD worsens in the teen years she may have less impulse control, more restlessness and more anxiety or depression.
Girls with ADHD are at a higher risk
for suicide than girls without it.
Girls with ADHD are also at a higher risk for eating disorders and self harm. It's incredibly important to be aware of the signs and symptoms of ADHD in girls so they don't fall through the cracks and become entwined with the harmful consequences... cutting class, leaving home, dropping out of school, self-mutilation, depression, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, suicide, etc.
It's incredibly important for girls to get the help they need so they can not only have a sucessful life but have a healthy perspective of ADHD... knowing that they are not less than because of their diagnosis. In fact, with a diagnosis girls can find freedom and relief in finally discovering exactly what has been so undefinable thus far that has plagued them. That they are not defined by ADHD. Yes, it can be frustrating at times to live with but also just knowing it's genetic, that nothing you did caused this is incredibly affirming.
Coping with ADHD it's imperative having a sense of humor. In the midst of your iPhone chronically dinging to remind you of yet another reminder it ensures that you sail through your day with as few glitches as possible... there are reminders of appointments, bills to pay, picking up the kids from school and the grocery list kept in the phone because it would be gone like the wind the second you blinked. You begin to think you need a necklace around your neck that holds your keys, phone and debit card because the second you set them down in some random locale... like the fridge as you reach in for a yogurt on the go... you can kiss them goodbye as they will be MIA the next time you need them.
Luckily there are medications to help manage ADHD if that's the route someone chooses. If not or along with medication there are ways to help manage symptoms to help make life a bit easier.
6 Tips For Managing ADHD Symptoms:
1. Find a place to keep your purse and keys. It needs to be the same place every time you come and go. Otherwise you may find yourself on an erratic scavenger hunt for necessary items each morning.
2. Have a back up alarm. Set your alarm on your iPhone for multiple times to get up... 6 am, 6:15, 6:25, etc. Being on time for anything is often like pulling nails for those with ADHD and time management may escape you. Being on time is a challenge but worth it rather than attempting death defying feats on the freeway to buy time and arrive in one piece... only to be a rattled mess of walking chaos once you arrive. I lived this way for years and eventually you have to say "This is craziness. Enough." and make necessary adjustments to have peace and calm.
3. Make lists... lots of lists. You may lose the list so it might be wise to keep one in the notes section of your phone. (if you are good about keeping your phone with you). Another trick is keeping a spiral notebook in the car that you jot down things on as you think of them... errands, gifts to buy, grocery essentials, etc... it can stay in the car and you can take a photo of it with your phone before you enter the store or if you're daring enough take the notebook in with you. It's up to each person in what works best for them.
4. Set your alarm specifically to take your ADHD medication. Back when I was taking Vyvanse I couldn't ever remember if I'd taken it or not. Over-taking a stimulant is not something anyone wants to risk so by about noon as I'd sift through piles of papers trying to locate a specific one, or searching for my sunglasses or sports water bottle in a frenzied pace to get out the door, I'd stop and think with a laugh "Well, I obviously did not take it today!"
5. Don't beat yourself up. There will be successful days where you did really well and there will be days when everything falls apart.... but you don't have to! Remember that each day is a chance to start fresh and beating yourself up does zero good. Reward yourself when you do a great job and on the bad days just shrug and tell yourself "tomorrow is another day."
6. When one medication won't work there are others. Some people don't want to take stimulants or can't. Some do perfectly fine with them and don't consider it an issue. Some individuals prefer no medication, taking something natural or taking a non-stimulant. Non-stimulants such as Strattera are another option. Your doctor can talk with you regarding the pros and cons of any medication you choose to take.
God sees our struggles in life and that includes those with ADHD. He knows our story just like the palm of our hand. He knows the frustration, the hurry, the distraction. But when we are having a tough day and feel we have stumbled backward... who are we leaning on to get back up? God is right there to listen to our cries and guide us.
When we lean on Him, get up and stand tall we are standing in victory!
Unlike our keys that's something we won't forget!
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013