 February 1986 names have been omitted in this post ************** It was around one o'clock in the afternoon he stood at her hospital bed... with bitter disappointment and finally he fled… he left and as the hours crept by… afternoon turned into dusk which turned into night. She sat in her hospital bed with their newborn baby girl swaddled in her arms becoming more and more distraught with worry… where was he? Where had he gone? She began calling everyone she could think of to inquire if they knew of his whereabouts. She called his mother as well, worried he had been in some type of accident. She phoned him at home and at work but her calls went unanswered. The night wore on and with it exhaustion came over her… fraught with worry for him. The next morning he showed up… he admitted he was upset the baby wasn't a boy. Three girls later and he was faced with the reality that he wasn't going to have a son to follow in his footsteps… he wouldn't have a son to continue in the family business… his family name wouldn't continue. ****************** 20 Signs Of An Abusive Marriage: 1. Your spouse doesn't allow you to work and controls your clothes, hair, etc. 2. You're reliant on your spouse for transportation due to his/her control. 3. Your spouse makes you feel insecure by their actions; they leave for periods of time and cause you undue worry over their safety and whereabouts. They threaten suicide. 4. Your spouse is always "checking in" with you via text/phone and or places a gps tracking device on your car. 5. Your spouse isolates you from your family and friends or doesn't put nearly as much effort into forming a rapport with them as you do with his/her family and it causes a strain in your relationship. 6. Your parent passes away (out of state) and your spouse doesn't permit you to travel to attend the funeral. 7. Your spouse blames you when you don't conceive a baby of the gender they wanted. 8. Your spouse hides their mental health family history from you and continues to deflect even after you discover a whole family line of unstable history. 9. Your spouse expects your marriage to completely revolve around his/her family/parents and their home for holidays/celebrations. 10. Your spouse drops you off at home after giving birth to your baby and drives off without so much as a goodbye. 11. Your spouse projects (accuses you of lying/cheating when you haven't), gas-lights (claims you said/did something or denies they said/did something), stone-walls (won't engage/silent treatment), re-writes history (changes the story of what really happened), or blames (never takes personal responsibility) in any way shape or form. 12. Your spouse is verbally hateful or physically hurts you in any way shape or form. 13. Your social life is severely limited or nonexistent. 14. Your children have little social life and complain their home/lives are much different than classmates. 15. Your spouse is a workaholic. 16. Your spouse pressures you to and/or forces you to do sexual acts you don't want to do. 17. Your spouse uses the tactic of intimidation to shut you down; throwing things, hitting/kicking walls, cussing, screaming, stomping through the house, slamming doors, driving off, etc. Driving like a maniac. 18. Your spouse's conversations primarily revolve around him/her. 19. Your spouse doesn't show empathy toward you especially when you're sick. 20. Your spouse limits all your decision making; he/she gives you a paltry amount of money for spending which equates to just groceries, he/she makes all decisions regarding vacations and home repairs/updates… leaving you with no partnership. © gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 Resources: The National Domestic Violence Hotline  December 2014
names have been omitted in this post **************** My daughter sighed and I scrutinized her expression… it was one of great irritation and unhappiness. We were on our FaceTime call… she was already in her pj's and had called me from her bedroom at her dad's house. With her pink cheeks and downturned mouth, she looked the picture of resigned defeat. "Hey, you okay?" I asked her. "Yeah… I'm okay…" She mumbled but I knew that look… and knew she wasn't. She sighed and spoke again… "So, tonight for my birthday dinner we went out to eat… but not somewhere I like. Not where I wanted to go." She added. "Really? Huh… where did you go eat?" I asked her. "We went out for mexican food but we went where they wanted to go. Daddy invited Grandpa and he brought some lady with him. And Mimi came and she didn't even talk. She just sat there." She told me. "Daddy brought Grandpa?" I affirmed… thinking it so ironic that my ex had teamed up with my narcissistic estranged father since my divorce. On the day I'd had my ex served with divorce papers he had phoned my father demanding an explanation for my having him served… to that my father had retorted back with "Well, yeah you sorry so and so… you've been cheating on her!" … yet as time passed my father decided his bread was better buttered by my ex and as I tried to assert boundaries by keeping him at a healthy arms length… ultimately he didn't like it and told me off via voicemail. In the wake of him now being divorced from my mother it appeared he had moved some woman into his home within just a few short months of the decree being finalized. {To a narcissist people are merely like chess pieces… always being moved strategically as they suit them.} It made me raise an eyebrow and I couldn't help but wonder to myself if he had been cheating on my mother with whoever this newest female supply of his was. I made a mental note of his lacking character by his conscious choice to bring this woman that my daughter didn't even know to her birthday party… it was some sort of bizarre narcissistic world they lived in where no one else's feelings mattered but theirs and my daughter had zero voice in the matter despite it being her birthday. "Oh yeah…" My daughter grimaced and spoke "I don't know why he brought this lady. I don't even know her. She brought me perfume, necklaces and makeup." "She brought you a gift?" I asked "She doesn't even know you. That's pretty forward. You're too young for makeup. Why would Grandpa think it was okay for him to bring this woman to your birthday party?" I pointed out. She nodded and agreed "I know! It was like, not even about my birthday, it was all about them." Smart kid… she was quite observant and saw reality as it was. Of course it wasn't about your birthday, I thought to myself. Because that's what they do. Narcissists use situations to their own personal advantage in how it will benefit them… they don't care about how it affects others… or what anyone else wants. "Well, Grandpa is inappropriate and doesn't care what you want. He does what he wants shown by his actions that night. It wasn't appropriate for that woman to come to your birthday party. I'm sorry about it…. and really, he shouldn't be dating anyone so soon after he and Grandma divorced… that's not appropriate either. He's setting a bad example. I don't want you thinking that is okay because it's not." I told her. "I know!" She said and nodded with emphasis… we chatted a few more minutes and then I told her goodnight and that I loved her. ******************** At the end of the day a narcissist is an individual that uses others… for their own profit and gain. They rotate people in their lives as the targets suit them… as their needs change… and whomever they discern will butter their bread better. It is always changing… at some point someone is always discarded by a narcissist… because inevitably there will always be better prey that comes along. 20 Examples Of How A Narcissist Uses You: 1. He demands sex with his wife even though she has a temperature of 104 and is sick with the flu. 2. She expects her best friend to always pay for her meals when they have lunch. 3. He doesn't care that his wife's breathing has been affected by fumes at his place of business. He demands that she continue to work there despite her protests and affected health. 4. He uses his children as pawns in retaliation at his ex-wife for divorcing him. 5. She borrows all her friends handbags and shoes and never returns them. Or does and the items are damaged. 6. Your sociopathic ex uses your narcissistic father as an fellow conspirator in the aftermath of your divorce as a pitiful attempt to "get back at you." 7. Your narcissistic father uses your sociopathic ex in the aftermath of your divorce to pay for all his meals out… and his girlfriend's meals as well. 8. Your narcissistic father uses your daughter's birthday party as his chance to bring a guest which is his live in honey… knowing this information will get back to his ex-wife via your daughter. 9. She accepts her friend's kind offer to go pick her up some lunch to go and then talks poorly about her behind her back to others. 10. Your best friend is in a relationship and she suddenly (and ironically) has no time for your friendship and despite your verbal interest... you never meet the guy she's dating. 11. Your narcissistic friend tells you in the middle of your break up story "Let's talk about me instead." 12. He uses his children's academic smarts, beauty and talent for building up his own ego… using them for narcissistic supply. 13. He uses the fact he has "connections" and knows so and so… He tells everyone who comes in close contact with him that he has such "connections" in the community because it makes him feel important. 14. He tells his daughter "With your looks you should be able to get a guy with a family name and money here in town." His desire is for his daughter to marry well merely to make himself look good in the community. 15. He always receives gifts from acquaintances for holidays, birthdays, etc but never reciprocates. 16. He likes being able to say he has a family but in reality he ignores his children behind closed doors and is emotionally unavailable. The purpose they serve is feeding the image he wants to project to the public. 17. He doesn't care that the college he wants to send his daughter to isn't a good fit for her… because at the end of the day it suits him and his ego… he tells everyone where she attends and enjoys the accolades. 18. She doesn't give her son any congratulations that he gained employment with a great company… instead she takes the credit for his new position. 19. He uses his son's generous spirit to pay for all the refreshments for any and all social gatherings… and comes to expect it… and when that no longer happens he throws a fit. 20. She expects her husband to watch the children while she goes off regularly whether it be shopping or partying… she's not involved in the family unit and has no desire to be. © gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014  Have you noticed the rise of what has been deemed as the "prosperity gospel"? Some of the most well known Evangelist's in this country have been pointed at as regularly delivering sermons that seem to outright or at the very least intimate the promise of prosperity by means of obeying God.
According to many of these Evangelist's the more obedient one is… the more pleasing they are to God, in return He will bestow endless blessings upon a person and their life. Anyone who knows Jesus and His character… knows that material wealth and possessions are not in His eyes a sign of importance, of a life well lived, or that those things even belong to us. But oddly enough, in contrast... in the eyes of the prosperity gospel emitting individual, our worth, how well we've done in life and how well we've obeyed God is also directly linked to how many blessings we've racked up on the blessing-o-meter. The Widow’s Two Mites Luke 21 And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, 2 and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. 3 So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; 4 for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God,[a] but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.” The widow tossed in her two coins and although Jesus did praise her for her selfless act, for her wonderful contribution when she had next to nothing… He also didn't then reward her with a fabulous all expenses paid cruise vacation, designer wardrobe, lake front property with castle included… He didn't do any of that… He praised her and moved on. It doesn't state that He offered to pay her rent or buy her a month worth of groceries. The truth was… He loved the fact she didn't ask Him: "So, uh… how about something for me?" He loved the fact that she contributed when she had little to nothing to give. He valued her contribution more than the people of wealth because it meant more to her. Today we see so much bargaining going on in the world… expectation in places where it shouldn't exist. In so many marriages there is the expectation of one another where it shouldn't reign. There is the narcissistic husband who expects sex due to his providing for his wife… in his mind money and her provision is closely linked to a debt of sexual favors owed to him… not selfless love shown to one another… alternatively, there is the wife who expects her husband to do x,y,z the moment he walks in the door from working all day without so much as a hello. Both scenarios are damaging and set up marriages to fail… because the mentality of "What am I'm gonna get?" comes before Him. The prosperity theology promotes idolatry Christians who look to God to fill a bucket of blessings based on what they do for Him… they have their hands out… their buckets set out waiting to be filled… and when they aren't filled… the entitled sense of disappointment and resentment kicks in toward God. They believe they have upheld their end of the bargain… and bewilderingly wonder why their oh so perfect life isn't materializing speedy quick right now… it's because they have been sold a bill of goods… a message that was false, that was based on material luxuries, on keeping up with the Joneses, etc. In this line of thinking God becomes a magical genie of some sort they just elicit some rewards from by obeying Him. The prosperity gospel spewers keep getting richer because they are preying on gullible innocent Christians… they are preying on people who erroneously believe their windfall is about to hit any day now… they just have to "try harder" to please God… which is a ridiculous, terrible and damaging message to send to anyone. It tells people that they aren't good enough… that they haven't met x,y,z… and they don't measure up. It sends people into the dark abyss of desperation, of feeling less than and even suicide. It bases their worth and standing on their worldly gains when actually God loves them regardless because their His children. Today I'm here to tell you: You are not your bank account, you are not your vehicle, you are not your house, etc. You are a child of God and He loves you… His only son died for you. Are we more concerned with what we are going to get in return for helping others? Are we subscribing to a message of "What am I going to receive if I obey Him?" Or are we happy to give and help others… anyone really, without any expectations… Giving freely out of selfless love… Like Jesus did for us on the cross… © gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com |
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