Do you ever feel like life is just not moving along fast enough?
Do you ever feel like your destination is always just a bit out of reach?
Do you ever want to hurry up and "get there" already?
If you have… you're certainly not alone.
I know something about what you're going through.
And yes, it's a struggle.
My divorce was finalized last summer and since then life has been a combination of two extremes…
Bouts of insanely slow, gratingly boring pockets of time… and on the other end of the spectrum… extremely busy, chaotic and hectic… no time to eat breakfast or lunch type of days; scarfing half a chocolate bar at 3 p.m. running errands, and then crashing on the couch until dinner… <inset snoring here>
Between going back to school… painting and renovating an entire house some of which I did myself… studying… which is not my forte (thank you, ADHD meds!)… to taking exams (double yuck)… and finally passing said exams, yay(!)… to then beginning a new career… it has been a roller coaster ride.
Now having begun new said career and not really having a clue as to what I'm doing and feeling as though I'm just sort of jumping off a cliff into midair, saying a prayer… yet having a
fierce force of determination to forge forward...
with lot's of hard work combined and clinging to faith everything will work out… it's a big life transition. One I wish now I had made back when I was married as perhaps then during the divorce I wouldn't have felt quite so overwhelmed… instead perhaps feeling some sense of control in at least one aspect of my life however knowingly non-existent at the end of the day.
Now that I've jumped off the cliff and I'm trying to find my way I want it to all fall into place NOW.
I want to already know what I'm doing like the back of my hand… I want smooth sailing… I want to go through my day with relative ease… and live normally. I barely even remember what "normal" is it's been so long since my life resembled anything of the sort… a schedule where you get up, get dressed, eat breakfast and go to work… it's become foreign to me because that reality was so long ago and yet nowvery much welcome as I embark on this new journey that I am incredibly excited about.
A journey also where I just want to exhale a huge sigh of relief and say:
"I'm here. I made it. Finally."
In some ways I can say that today… and I do.
I thank God for this blessing as I can exhale a huge sigh of relief
and looking back marvel at the progress.
Maybe you've recently gone through a big life transition and you can say the same.
And yet I'm looking forward to when I will be able to stand before the mirror one morning and say:
"I'm finally here…"
"I made it, thank you God…"
"I actually know (overall) what I'm doing and I. am. okay."
But then I got to thinking about it and maybe I'm missing the point…
and maybe if you're in a similar situation or recalling a past one there's a chance you are too.
Maybe… just maybe the parts we want to skip… namely, the uncertainty, the not sure steps… maybe there's a lot of growth there… growth in our faith…
I don't mind the hard work… the hard phase is comparable to the meat and potatoes of life… later comes the desert… later comes the payoff… later comes the sweet victory…
later comes the icing on the cake.
When we stop learning… when we stop needing to lean on God in our uncertainty… when we stop growing… we become absolutely stagnant. God doesn't want this… He loves us and desires us to grow, change and become all we are meant to be.
If we weren't doing these things life would be easy… predictably boring… and we wouldn't feel any need for God… we would become pridefully self sufficient and stunted because there wouldn't be any need to lean on Him if every season ran perfectly smooth like a speed ramp at the airport and we could clearly see our way up ahead.
So maybe we all need to look for the icing in the uncertainty in life… because in that cake lies blessings no matter how small… in those uncertain moments…
and how awesomely sweet is that.