names have been omitted or changed
When We Feel Unloved...
Have you ever felt unloved by your father?
Have you ever felt rejected,
shamed or even unworthy in his eyes?
You are not alone.
I heard his heavy tread of footsteps walk down the hallway toward the phone that rested on a tiny brown stand. Who was he calling?! I panicked. What the hell was happening? What was he doing? Was he sending me away? Was he having me picked up? If so, by who? I heard a muffled conversation and then I heard an angry tone.
“…Okay, well hurry up!” And the phone slammed down with purposeful force causing it to make a resounding ring in response. I backed into a corner again as I heard his heavy tread returning and felt helpless.
He stood in my bedroom doorway and spoke with bare restraint, “You’re going to your grandparents. You’re going to live with them for awhile.” He told me. He could barely utter the words without choking from his rage. Pointing his finger at me, he instructed me with stilted words.
“Pack some clothes. Pack your toothbrush. Pack toothpaste.
Your grandmother will be here in a minute.”
“Okay.” I whispered nodding and as my mother silently left my room with the broom and dust pan full of broken dirty glass from everything he'd smashed in my bedroom moments before from his reckless rage, I turned to my closet.
With shaking hands and a hurried heartbeat, I began quickly yet clumsily going through my clothes hanging in my closet. I grabbed a few clothes and began throwing them into a tote bag. Once in the bathroom I threw in toothpaste, toothbrush, razors, deodorant and my hairbrush.
Exiting the bathroom I walked down the hallway to find my grandmother just inside the front entry waiting for me. She patted my father's arm reassuringly to let him know we'd be just fine and then reached out her hand toward me. I took it with my free hand and silently followed her lead out the front door. The heavy door slammed shut behind me without a word.
Our earthly father may fail at times but our Heavenly Father never will. We don't have to be afraid... God will provide for us, protect us, love us and keep His promises of good. He won't turn his back on us and shut us out. We have been instructed to be imitators of God and to follow His example. Father's can look to God for instruction and guidance in their leadership to discipline (with love) for their children.
Even if you have felt your earthly father's lack of guidance during your most formative years, even if you felt controlled with an iron fist or alternatively rejected by him or both, even if you knew your dreams, thoughts and feelings were of little to no importance to your earthly father, you can take heart in knowing that God cares about all these things and more. He is ready to guide you, to love you with everlasting love, give life to your future and most of all give you hope.
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013
image “Religious Stained Glass Window” by artur84 via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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