Tuesday, November 29, 2016 - 10 a.m.
names have been omitted in this post
I sat in the small conference room with my mother and attorney... we were downtown at the family law courthouse and going back and forth with my ex and his attorney regarding the issues that my ex had served me on back in September. There were multiple issues he had brought up; first he was stating I owed money to him for out of pocket doctor expenses and over priced prescriptions regarding our son. Part of the money owed was on counseling sessions for our son for a psychologist that was out of network (that my ex chose) and charged $140.00 an hour... which was exorbinant and unnecessary considering the distance needed to travel to see her and the fact there has been zero improvement in our mother son relationship. It was ironic that I was expected to pay for counseling for a psychologist that was out of network when there were plenty of readily available and likely more qualified therapists in our city and for much less expense. But as he arrogantly always says "Money is no object to me" which is so ironic... he is of the thinking that because he makes over six figures that I should just have to ante up and pay my portion... when I don't earn anywhere near what he does. And yet what is so amusing is if money is REALLY no object wouldn't one just pay for it all and just move on? Not in a handout kind of way... but if it's truly NO object why poke at me for an amount that can pinch but is supposedly just a drop in the bucket for him. It's almost funny because it's so riduculous. The other portion of the money owed is for our son's prescriptions... because my ex refuses to sign up for mail order through United Healthcare we pay more than is necessary for our sons's (and daughter's) prescriptions because getting them through the retailer like CVS, Walgreens, etc is pricier which makes him happy because then I owe more. The narc is so adept at finding under the radar ways of punishing you however he or she can... including financially. Our daughter's birthdate is wrong through insurance and even though I have voiced and sent MANY messages via Our Family Wizard for him to please get it corrected (I tried but they refused due to I don't have that authoritzation) he ignores me and refuses... which causes confusion upon picking up prescriptions for her and she sighs with annoyance because she sees firsthand what he's like... he shows her everyday his true colors by his poor actions.
So we go back and forth on the money... the amount stated I owe is over ten grand and they are asking for interest, jail time, etc in the papers they served. My attorney states that she will have my ex get on the stand and testify for each and every single item he's brought to court... his attorney stares at her and says "No one's ever done that." Well, guess what? It's your first time. Eventually my ex caves to a small insignificant amount for me to pay and I write him a check that afternoon. Thankfully, the money portion is settled although they then make the petty move of stating I must sign a statment that I was in contempt. After being subjected to this and the past three years of hell from him one can only imagine the contempt there should be.
Then it comes to the child custody... it's interesting that we come to learn that they don't want to address that just now... they are now backing away. They don't want to address the VERY ISSUES IN WHICH THEY BROUGHT TO SUIT???! That makes zero sense, right? They are retreating. I stare at my attorney with surprise and absorb it... Oh, heck no... I'm moving forward... full speed ahead. We are told that today's court visit will only cover the enforcement of the money stated owed. That the child custody portion will be reset to another time in the future. With that... we gather our things and depart... thankful and ready to have the day behind us.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016 - 6p.m.
names have been omitted in this post
I pull my SUV in the big circular drive of my ex's and put it in park... sitting there I see the stucco exterior and large trees overshadowing the property. Peering through the windshield I sigh... "I don't see her coming out. I guess I'll have to go fetch her." I tell my mother. We had her for her birthday this year... it was our turn... our time with her was between six and eight that night... the perfect time to go get dinner and celebrate with cake and presents. She knew beforehand that was our plan. Next year would be his year to get the birthday time slot. I ring the bell and know I'm on video.... so I turn my back and walk back down the sidewalk a bit to wait for her. The front door opens and he calls out "Hi!" in his chirpy fake nice voice. Here she comes bounding out toward me with a big smile in a jogging outfit and pink headband. I ignore him and wrap my arm around her in a hug. We clamber back in the SUV and as she buckles her seatbelt in the backseat she says "Wait a minute, I have something to tell ya'll." Immediately I know he's done something. I had texted her "Happy Birthday" to her phone that morning and gotten no response. He had blocked it. Later she confirmed that he had as she hadn't recieved it.
"What's going on?" I ask as I pull out of the drive and back onto the street. "Daddy already took me to dinner for my birthday. We opened presents and had cake before and then he took Grammy and all of us to dinner at Rosa's." She informed my mother and I.
"You're kidding..." My mother exclaimed.
That sorry piece of... I thought to myself... and spoke "You told him we had plans didn't you?" I asked her.
She nodded from the dark backseat and I continued traveling along the neighborhood passing intermitent Christmas lights swagged on rooftops and shrubs at various homes. "Yes, I told him we had plans. He ignored me. He told me we could just go back to your house instead." She replied.
"We had plans to go out to dinner and celebrate. It's been planned. This was our year to do that."
I pointed out.
She spoke and agreed "I know... he doesn't care. He did it on purpose to ruin my birthday. He just does what he wants. Just like he ruined my other birthday that year... " She trailed off referring to the year her dad decided it would fun to invite my father and his newly live in girlfriend in the hopes that news would get back to my mother. All she thought was how inappropriate they all were. How insensitive they were to my daughters feelings and how they had used her birthday to announce his news. Sigh. I told her I was sorry this had happened. These are the types of things narcs do... they thwart any plans you have and then laugh because you missed out. Obviously dinner and cake were off the table... she was full. We would just go back to my house for the time period.
I spoke "You know what? We will just celebrate this weekend. No worries. It will be ok." I tell her soothingly but inside I was angry.
He was mad. He was pouting. He was pissed because of court the day before. He knows he's losing. And he will continue to lose. Everyday. Because he decided to punish HER due to his inability to take responsibllity for what HE'S done and believes it's punishing me... but reality is he's hurting her. He's doing it time and time again. And she sees it. He acts like she's stupid and can't. But she does.
Children don't just forget this type of behavior... she will remember his behavior. She will remember when he's no longer strong and walks fraily... when he can no longer care for himself... when he can no longer do anything but sit sadly and pitifully in a chair or bed because life and age finally caught up with him... she will remember how he behaved when he laments "my daughter doesn't call me or visit" or "my daughter doesn't have anything to do with me" and elicits pitied pats on the arm and sympathetic looks from senior living care staff or hospice care. She will remember when he's on his deathbed... she will remember how ugly he was when she's not there to squeeze his hand reassuringly. She will remember when he dies and she stands at his grave and she will remember all the times he hurt her when he was trying to hurt me.
But he doesn't care. His actions reflect it.