Narcissists, sociopaths… they all hate women. But how is their hatred shown? How does it show up in their relationships? Much of their disdain for women is obviously intertwined with sex and how they relate (or not) to the female species.
Some narcissistic sociopaths are skilled lovers no doubt… they know exactly what to say and do. They smile with satisfaction because they know they are skilled and can read you like a book… like mind readers they whisper in your ear:
"I know you want to be ravished under the light of a thousand stars under the night sky. I know you want me to make you scream my name while you grasp the sheet with white knuckles… I know what turns you on, what would send you writhing in my arms gasping, moaning for more… I'm going to relish you like no one else ever has with my eyes, my hands and my tongue. You will beg me for more after I rock you like the thundering waves at sea."
He can deliver.
But he's doing the same thing
for "what's-her-name" as well.
He's giving in the bedroom yet
it means nothing to him.
You're just another object to him.
Another source of supply secured
to massage his fragile ego.
Another woman whom he has tricked.
Yet there is also the narcissistic sociopath who withholds what you want sexually, what you desire, what you need. He is all about himself and his own lust and desire… these narcissistic types are using you much like an inflatable doll, as a prop if you will, to masturbate upon and self satisfy. He (or she) isn't going to go to any efforts to ensure you are receiving pleasure as well… instead it will be a scenario like the one below…
"Turn here, flip over, no, no, THIS way!… "
If there weren't so many directions being commanded every second you might be able to (yawn) construct a grocery list, finally decide if you need standard length or extended for the curtains you want to buy… and even put together a mental bucket list of things you want to do before you die… or maybe you CAN do all that while he shoots off directions like an inept Siri… look at you, a multitasking ninja.
The first scenario would be fine if it was coupled with true love, a real care for their partner, a steadfast unwavering loyalty for them… and a reciprocated desire by their spouse. But unfortunately for a narcissistic sociopath true love, real care and loyalty doesn't exist… he's (or she's) not capable. He is gaining supply by ravishing you… then he quickly moves on to the next source of supply.
The second scenario is merely you, a warm body being used to play out (him directing like in a film) all of the sexual fantasies he has (and ways he wishes to be pleased) but in which he never (or rarely unless pressed/criticized/demanded) reciprocates. He's a control freak and not capable of the natural give and take that healthy loving relationships have. Instead he (or she) is all about ME, ME, ME!
ALL NARCISSISTS HATE WOMEN
THEY LOATHE THEM.
THEY OBJECTIFY THEM.
THEY WISH TO CONTROL THEM.
THEY SEE THEM AS PROPERTY.
THEY SEE THEM AS INFERIOR.
THEY SEE THEM WITH CONTEMPT.
THEY SEE THEM AS GOLD-DIGGERS.
THEY SEE THEM AS LEECHES.
THEY SEE THEM AS DEMANDING.
HOW A WOMAN MUST BE TO BE WITH A NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATH:
1. Perfectly fine with being his unequal (yet he may say he treats you as an equal partner).
2. Never critical and always positive about him. (being critical is the kiss of death).
3. Be perfectly fine with being treated as a sex object and not a real person with feelings.
4. Happy to help him in any way he needs; to take on the unspoken role of assistant versus wife.
As you can imagine living this way would be a drain for anyone… it is a life of constantly walking on eggshells and exhaustion.
As briefly touched on above but delved into further below we can see the hatred a narcissist or sociopath has for his (or her) partner shows up in 4 common ways…
First, any and all decisions will be made by the narcissistic sociopath… there are no "joint decisions". You can voice what you want and he may listen under the guise of "we are equal partners" but at the end of the day he makes all decisions. In fact, his mind is already made up… your input is a waste of breath. In a truly loving (and Christian) marriage we often talk about the husband leading the family. He should be leading his family in ways that point them all to Christ... but a narcissistic sociopath controls with an iron clad grip that leads everyone down a path of sin, grief and dismay.
Secondly, anything he (or she) perceives as criticism will be seen as an attack and will bring about defensiveness. Or he may listen and make calculated mental notes (more sociopathic-like) … listening to you rail on and on and thinking to himself… "Oh, yeah? You just keep talking… keep it up… I'll show you… you don't like it… guess what? I'm gonna do exactly what I want and you telling me x,y,z just makes me want to do it my way more. Keep talking… I'm filing this away, I'll remember this conversation and you will pay for this later (punishment) in some way, shape or form...Ha!" In a truly loving marriage there is not a fear that if you share something (calmly and with tactful love) that your concerns will be dismissed and you will be treated less than. But a narcissistic sociopath holds zero respect for women... it's shown through his inability to take in any feedback whatsoever.
Third, you are subjected to being treated as nothing but a sex toy… someone he wants to defile like an animal, that he keeps off-balance by suggesting acts that do nothing but repulse… at best suggesting an open marriage and even going so far as to make you believe he is highly sought after by the opposite sex… the "casual" comments he drops to you: "My last flight for work the flight attendant couldn't keep her hands off me… she sat in my lap. She told me I could have her right there on the plane." He tells you with a smug smile. You stand there staring at him bewildered(!) wondering first if he's telling the truth, secondly why he would allow that to happen and most of all why he seems to take such joy in seeing you squirm as he shares it. A truly loving marriage makes Christ it's center and brings husband and wife together to share their physical desire and affections for one another... mutually and exclusively. There shouldn't be any open marriage, no threesomes and a husband should be protective of his wife... anything that diminishes or takes away her dignity should be something he'd never dream of doing.
Fourth, you begin to feel like his personal assistant instead of a wife because it's always something… it's his dry cleaning, it's he needs something homemade brought to his office, it's "I need you to come by and meet Mr. So and So that's flying in this week", it's doing all the "grunt work" as he sees it related to the house and children because he does the big deal; the paying job and he doesn't have time for the work of the lowest people on the totem pole like you. A wife may serve her husband and be his helper as a way of showing her love for him but when it's to an extreme and demanded by him, when it's an unspoken rule that has consequences if she doesn't... if she's taken on more of a "business role" in his life rather than solely being his feminine companion through friendship, support, homemaker, mother to their children and his physical lover then her role beside him has changed... he's added more to her plate... a plate not worthy of his time because he deems it beneath him.
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2016
God never viewed women as second-class citizens and His word clearly states that we are all equally His children. That we are all of equal value and worth. A man is not above a woman but his equal. Many men today have become confused or blind to what being a husband means… treating their wives with neglect and or abuse; emotionally, verbally and physically. God never intended marriage to be this way. Husbands, you have a position of RESPONSIBILITY as the leader in the home; you should be leading your family toward God not away. As Galatians 3:28 tells us, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28)