Monday, January 29th, 2018
names have been omitted in this post
this post contains strong language
and some material readers may find offensive
I sat to the right of the new therapist, a small petite blonde woman whom I, at 5 foot 5 towered over. She smiled at my ex and I as we got situated for our session. He took a seat opposite us on a small russet hued loveseat and I opened a journal in my hands to take notes. She was to lead the reunification therapy for my son and I that was court mandated back in August by the 360th family court in Tarrant County. I had no problem with doing the therapy and hoped it worked… but I also knew anything related to the family court system was questionable… and with that I questioned if they wouldn’t set me up to fail. It wasn’t in their best interests for it to succeed… that would mean an end to litigation and their hands in not only our business but our pockets. At least now I was pro se and my pocket was out of the equation. My ex however still had his attorney to which I grimaced… yet in that him filing motions only hurt his wallet now, I smiled. In going pro se you certainly take some wind out of a narc’s sails… it reduces their power over you to some extent and at least you can smile knowing their attorney no longer has the ability to deliver excessive phone calls, letters and emails that are then charged to you by your attorney to read. They don’t tell you when you begin this process there is no limit to how much you can spend on a divorce and custody filings... it’s nothing to spend a hundred grand or more if you can squeeze it from your assets, cds and accounts... the sky and beyond is all game... eventually bleeding you dry and leaving you in a quagmire of financial despair.
Waiting for our appointment to begin I studied my ex… I smirked to myself… Oh, how I know everything you’ve done, I thought to myself. Predators are so stupid to think that they’ll continue to fool people and pull the wool over their eyes forever… because once you screw people over so many times… eventually people get sick of it… and guess what? They turn on you. They betray you. Fear the day people; those people close to you that you stupidly trusted and may still trust decide to band together and go against you… forming a circle of war and outrage…. desiring justice and retribution. Fear that day, you sorry piece of slime… because they won’t shrink forever… fear the shadows, fear the whispers, fear the consequences… because they will smile at your face yet laugh silently as you walk away unknowingly that your turn is coming.
The therapist spoke in the small dim room decorated with traditional furniture, impressionism paintings and feminine accents. “So we’re here today for me to inform you that for this therapy to work I need your cooperation.” She stated to my ex “And to do that you may have to be willing to have your son upset with you... meaning you may take some heat for awhile until this is resolved.” She added and he nodded. She continued “So your son has a history of physical aggression and I understand he has Asperger's. When was the last time your son showed physical aggression?” She asked my ex.
I stared at him. I already knew the answer.
“It’s been a long time.” He replied.
“It’s been a long time…” She echoed and jotted in her notes, I doing the same in my journal. “What would you say is a long time? How long has it been?” She asked him for clarification.
“More than a year.” He told her.
You sorry lying piece of… I thought to myself. He stared at me with zero emotion.
“He was upset that I was coming to this appointment today. “ He informed her referring to our son.
She looked puzzled and spoke “Well, I understand he doesn't want to do the therapy. So I wouldn’t have told him you were coming so as to not upset him. If you did tell him you could have waited until after the fact and even then frame it in a positive manner… like mom is really trying to do this because it’s important.” She explained to him… “Perhaps you shouldn’t have told him you were coming and made him more upset.” She pointed out.
“I’m always honest with him. I tell him everything.” My ex replied with a shrug.
“Yes, but there is a difference between being honest and sharing information that maybe doesn’t need to be shared so as not to upset him.” She explained.
“I don’t lie to him.” He retorted forcefully.
She paused and thinking on what he said finally spoke “Okay… let me ask you this… would you tell him the last time you and your new wife had sex?” She asked thoughtfully.
Without missing a beat he replied “Yeah, I would. I would hope he’d never ask me that question but yeah I would.”
You sick freak, I thought to myself... you really have no filter or moral code.
She shook her head and spoke “You cannot do that… as a parent you must set boundaries and only give out appropriate information.” She scolded him.
“We have a very open relationship and tell each other everything.” He told her.
“So I understand there has been quite a bit of litigation on your end… what is the intent of the litigation?” She asked him out of curiosity.
He turned to me and spoke with a face devoid of emotion “Oh. I thought we were done with litigation.”
“Are you willing to give me something in writing stating that you’re done with litigation? You’re the one who has continually filed motions the past five years, not me.” I pointed out.
“No, I’m not willing to give you assurances of what I will or won’t do.” He shook his head.
“You began the litigation process and you are punishing me. You are punishing our daughter with her not seeing me as much.” I retorted.
“I feel the sibling relationship is more important than yours with our daughter." He told me then turned to her "But I do want this reunification process to work. I want to know that we tried. Our son will eventually come around but only if Jennifer will allow the process to work. She’s disgusted by me and doesn’t want to see me. Because of that it may not be successful.” He informed the therapist. He was making this session about him and what his needs or desires were not our sons or mine. In his mind the only way a relationship with my son would ever be successful would be with him in the midst of it. I begged to differ. I would not stand for it. He could take a hike. How could I not be disgusted by him? It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why.
“I question how much he really wants this work…” I interjected to the therapist “Because he’s already lied here today in this session. This process won’t be successful if he’s not even willing to tell the truth.” I told her.
“What has he lied about?” She asked with surprise and a hint of exasperation.
“He’s lied about the physical aggression. He said it’s been over a year. That’s a lie. There was an incident at his home over Christmas break in December where he was outside on the deck with his wife and the kids were downstairs on the bottom floor in the house. Our son got into a spat with the step daughter visiting from London who is like seven or eight years old… our daughter witnessed it. He got angry and grabbed the step daughter’s leg as she tried to go up the stairs to get away from him and it caused her to trip and fall. Our daughter was upset by it and told me.”
“She was mistaken.” He lied, “She merely tripped. No one hurt anyone.”
“No.” I shook my head “Our daughter doesn’t lie. She was telling the truth. She saw it happen.”
“Were you there?” He asked me with simmering anger in his tone.
“No, I wasn’t there.” I replied with irritation.
“Well, then.” He stated, staring at me like it was all settled and case closed.
I turned to the therapist “No, this is one of his favorite comebacks… anything I say he or his attorney comes back with ‘Were you there?!’…” I snarled sarcastically with contempt. “Give me a break. Give it up. This is the routine they use in court and it completely gets them out of addressing any issues.”
“So did it happen or not?” She asked him pointedly.
“It did.” He admitted.
“So why did you tell me it had been over a year since physical aggression?” She asked him.
I spoke “He lies about everything. He lied in court saying the children spend all this time together… that’s what he based his motion to get more custody on… for the kids to spend more time together. Then I hear from our daughter that our son is at the neighbors all the time and the kids don’t spend any time together. Yet he got on the stand in August and told the court ‘They are just all over each other’…. Those were the words he used… ‘all over each other’… who says that? They are opposite genders, years apart and at this stage of development should be parting ways for now, not ‘all over each other’… “ I stated emphatically.
My ex then chose the grandstanding tactic and with great production practically leapt out of his seat and came up in my face “OH REALLY?!!! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?? THAT THEY’RE FUCKING EACH OTHER??! Is THAT what you’re insinuating now???!!!” He practically screamed at me hatefully, disgustedly in my face, ugly and over the top. It reminded me of some scene from a Nicholas Cage movie gone bad.
I sat shocked in my seat at his sick words and spoke “Wow! Just wow! You know, those are your words, not mine! You are so inappropriate!” I exclaimed.
The therapist began waving her arms and practically yelling… “Stop! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!” She cut in, trying to be heard over the fray and I watched from my chair as he sank back into the loveseat completely composed like nothing had ever happened.
A narc, more namely a sociopath will never tell the truth... they lie as easily as the air they breathe. When it comes to therapy with a personality disordered person they will use it to their advantage and lie outright to the therapist... making you out to be the issue... they will cite you as the reason for the therapy and the reason why it won't be successful. They love to sit there on the therapy couch calm as can be and twist and spin better than an old lady with a needle and yarn how they are so superior and know better and are really trying... while you sit there outraged and indignant, rightfully upset and trying to defend your position.
They are expert manipulators and if they have a degree it comes second to their ability to craft reality to their liking and their favor. You sit there baffled and completely shocked at how they manage time and time again to come out of therapy sessions smelling like a rose while you sit there looking like Cruella De Ville herself. The cruel reality is a narc or sociopath is excelled at snowing the therapist to think they are the innocent victim of an angry ex who is disgusted by them for no reason. When in fact they have plenty of justified reasons... let me write a book... on why they are completely sick of this person who has orchestrated so much damage in so many people's lives.... and yet doubly frustrated that the people who need to recognize it often don't.
The truth is... a narc or sociopath is often the one who will say the most inappropriate things... people may raise eyebrows and silently question why anyone on earth would utter such a thing... but few people realize that they are a threat... that they are personality disordered... more likely they will merely, foolishly think of them as inept or socially maladjusted.... not predatory or dangerous... and that is a huge mistake on their part. They give them too much credit and too much benefit of the doubt. The therapist is asking you, the target to trust this person and trust the process when you've looked pure evil in the eyes and know that won't ever be possible... because you have witnessed, you have experienced firsthand what destruction they are truly capable of.
A narc will deflect when called on an issue which is one of their favorite tactics... the old "Were you there?' question and routine... something they say to get out of actually addressing the issues brought up at hand.... they believe by merely stating those three little words they can swiftly shut you down and move on... with zero accountability. Sociopaths are not fixable... even if a therapist can recognize the signs someone is a sociopath they may erroneously believe they can fix them... they may see them as a challenge to be conquered. Which much to the detriment and dismay of others will be a huge waste of time on everyone's part. A narc or sociopath is not fixable... they don't want to change for the better... they actually enjoy causing other's pain and suffering. They carry within them a huge degree of entitlement and believe they deserve everything they have and what's to come... while others sit around wringing their hands in despair hoping someone somewhere will eventually bring consequences down upon them and justice for those who have been hurt time and time again.