names have been omitted or changed in this post
Seated in the booth across from my daughter and I, he spoke "How did your leg get burnt?"
She glanced down at her legs in shorts, one leg sporting a significant but now fading burn mark. She spoke, "I got burnt on the exhaust pipe of Daddy's car." She replied.
He looked over at me with a look; his eyes conveying concern, his bearded jaw set. Looking back over at her he leaned forward and spoke "How did that happen exactly?"
She spoke "We were messing with Georgina's bags in the back of the car and Daddy told me to get out of the way! And I had no where to go, I couldn't move!… so I got pushed up against the exhaust pipe. And then my leg got burned." She explained to us referring to her dad's fiancé.
He ever so slightly shook his head and I distinctly caught his lip barely curl in fury.
He was steaming mad and I was too.
"What did your Daddy say when it happened?" He asked her.
"Did you cry?" I asked her.
She nodded with a distressed expression. "Uh huh… I cried. It hurt bad! My leg turned bright red. He told me it was fine! And that he'd take care of it when we got back home. But then he didn't do anything about it!" She wailed.
Silent fury simmered from both of us. I felt rage growing. Angry protective rage beginning to grow inside me and threatening to boil. But I had no idea it could get worse.
She turned to me and spoke "And Mommy… you remember how at my end of school awards program Georgina was looking down at her cell phone the whole time?" She asked.
I nodded "When we went I noticed that. What about it sweet pea?"
Her mouth frowned "After it I asked her why she was on her phone the whole time. Daddy wasn't with us at the time so he didn't hear what she said. But she told me "Because it was boring! And because I don't care!" " My daughter relayed to me with a hurt expression shadowing her face.
Shock ran through me and
I gave her a horrified look.
"WHAT??!! SHE SAID THAT?!! WHO SAYS THAT???!! AND TO A CHILD??!!"
I demanded angrily.
"I was mad! She was rude!"
My daughter exclaimed.
My angry dark eyes specked with green flashed and met his across the table. His expression was one of outrage but he bit his tongue. I knew what he was thinking. That my exes fiancé was an evil witch of a woman. Days later when she wasn't present he'd express just that.
I spoke, "It's interesting how your dad flew to London to go to her daughter's confirmation. Her daughter she's left behind. But she can't even be respectful during your awards ceremony." I reflected. I wrapped my arm around my daughter, hugged her close and spoke "I'm sorry that happened. There is NO EXCUSE for her behavior. Do you understand? She was hateful. Someone who would say something like that is not a kind person. You should have said something to Daddy." I told her even though I figured that advice was a joke.
She shrugged. "He wouldn't care. He's so busy with her he doesn't pay any attention to me. He wouldn't even make sure my leg was okay!" She pointed out incredulously.
I thought back on our Ad Litem leading up to our trial as our divorce wrapped up three years ago. I had tried to make her see the light… that he wasn't fit to have our kids as much as fifty fifty or really at all… but instead my emotions that ran deep with love and worry for my kids may have appeared out of control because I was ***desperately and angrily*** trying to make her see reality… and she had stuck with the recommendation to the court that we share fifty fifty custody. At trial she had conceded that if the judge was to give one parent more time it should be me. Which now was very little consolation considering the damage that was going on now. I wanted to call her up and say "SEE???!! I TOLD YOU!!! IF YOU'D ONLY LISTENED!!!!" But who knew if it'd do any good. My daughter was suffering because the system that was in place to protect her really protected the unfit parent so they could have "fair".
This wasn't about splitting
a pie down the middle…
this was supposed to be about what would
be in our children's best interests.
The family court systems idea of fair was pure BS through and through. The fact her dad is getting "fair" doesn't make my daughter feel better when he's not in tune with her, when he's detached from her and letting her get burnt and more. And that just pertained to our daughter. It didn't even count the alienation he'd orchestrated between our son and I.
Was he really ready to lose her over Georgina? It seemed he already had. Our daughter knew he'd continually made poor choices. She knew he didn't care about her BASED ON HIS ACTIONS toward her. It wasn't rocket science that his continual choice to disregard what she thought, what she felt, what she needed was negatively affecting their relationship and would only serve to push her further and further away from him. But with a narcissistic sociopath they don't care about a real connection… about what you really feel, what you think or what you need. I grew up that way with a narcissistic father. I know how this works. I lived it. But try telling someone connected to the court system that. All a personality disordered individual cares about is control. The child may wish their parent would change for the better… but it's fruitless wishing and hoping on stars. The toxic parent can only focus on keeping the child as a possession and punishing the ex by using the child as a weapon. The child is better off away from the parent… with either very limited time for visitation, supervised visits or no contact at all.
Until the changes that need to take place begin to do so in the family court system we will continue to see examples as those shown above happening in families. And yes, we will continue to speak up, to share our stories, to document and fight the battle until we win the war. These are our children. Our future. Our babies. Our hearts. No matter who we are, mom or dad we love our children. No matter how near or far they are we pray and hope for future reconciliation. No matter how hard it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other we do it because unlike the toxic one we know our children are meant to be seen, heard cherished and loved… not neglected, ignored, dismissed and owned.
www.gracepowerstrength.com - 2016