What are you a fan of?
It seems everyone is a fan of something today. Maybe it's football, maybe it's basketball or skiing. Maybe it's cheering on your favorite hockey team while they battle it out on the ice… maybe it's fishing, camping, a vacation spot or yes, even shopping. Maybe you're a fan of beauty products with pretty packaging, of a certain brand of clothing or a favorite restaurant.
But maybe, just maybe you are a fan of someone. Someone in particular that you know and love.
Who is this person you may ask?
Maybe it's your husband.
Are you a fan of his?
Of course! ...
You acknowledge and dismiss there being any question about it.
Are you his #1 fan?
Being his #1 fan you'd never speak ill of him to others.
Being his # 1 fan you'd never embarrass him with jokes at his expense.
Being his # 1 fan you'd never take pot shots at him when he's an epic fail.
Being his # 1 fan you'd never rub his nose in other's triumphs and victories.
Being his # 1 fan you'd never compare his skill set to the other guys you know.
Being his # 1 fan you'd never hold back when it comes to encouragement.
Being his # 1 fan you'd never not tell him how wonderful he is when he has doubts.
Being his # 1 fan you'd never withhold love and affection when he needs it most.
Wives can be assured that one of their greatest gifts to their husbands is being an encourager. He loves to hear words of life spoken to him about his work, how he provides for his family and even in the bedroom. He wants to hear that yes, he's doing a great job at providing, that it is worthwhile, that what he does all day between eight and five or longer has value to you… he wants to hear that you admire what he does for a living, that it makes a difference in your world, that the scrimping and saving for that vacation, the long hours he's put in… are totally worth it in your eyes and incredibly appreciated.
You remember when you are dating and it's all new and exciting? It's an influx of good feelings coming in like warm butter hitting the inside of your stomach because all that dopamine is kicking in and you feel electricity up and down your spine… falling in love is like that… all your senses are heightened and every moment is special… like pancake syrup on your lip it's sweet and you don't this phase to end… <insert blissful sigh>
Then, marriage begins and although the electricity has been replaced with warmth, with security and sweet familiarity that we all know has limitless value, the dopamine undeniably flatlines to some extent (why it's so important to continually do new things together to keep the relationship fresh) and before you know it you may be crossing into territory that is perhaps not so peaceful… but instead resembles an ugly no man's land of opposition… maybe as a wife a few years in you find yourself rolling your eyes, crossing your arms and slamming doors because "Mr. Right" has become "Mr. Does Everything Wrong."
I hate to break it to you but here's the truth:
That behavior is not going to bring him closer to you.
That will not alleviate the issues between you, fix the problem at hand nor make him want to engage with you. Those actions will make him want to flee to the next room, the garage, outside, maybe take off for a few hours because all he sees is a five foot-something angry little person (who he assumes is on her period) on a raging rampage through shared space that is sure bent on making everyone know she's mad but not in a constructive healthy way. The best thing to do? Stop with the dramatics. No eye rolling, no sighing, no door slamming and no arm crossing. Give yourself some space first. Take a deep breath. Then go to him (on commercial break, please… don't interrupt the game) and tell him exactly why you are upset in a calm, respectful manner using the statement "I feel <blank> when…."
unlike the hardness of the world.
Touch his arm, give him hugs, pat his shoulder, smile at him! He wants to feel like you actually like him and not that because of one irritating moment you have complete disappointment in him.
Brag About Him…
You know how you brag about your love for your favorite team to others? Well, your husband wants to know you talk to others about how crazy you are for him, how much you admire him, how he's your hero, how he fixed the such and such or just got a great promotion, or just oh my goodness… brought you home your very favorite cupcakes(!) from the local bakery on the way home "just because"… he wants to overhear you talking about the sweet things he does for you on the phone to your best friend, your mom and your sister. It makes him swell with pride that yes, he is doing something that matters to you, that you are taking notice, that you are appreciative, that you are thankful. It makes him want to do more when you follow up in a few days with a hug and a "You know… I'm still thinking of what you did… that was so sweet of you!" Watch him beam in return… he won't be able to wipe the grin off his face… guaranteed.
Lift Him Up When He Falls…
This week Rich Peverley with the Dallas Stars collapsed from a heart condition… sometimes your favorite team player falls, maybe he has a health issue, maybe he misses an opportunity, we all have something… the same holds true for your husband. Maybe he is down and out, maybe he's struggling with something… whether it's the death of a family member, a missed promotion at work, maybe a demanding project that just isn't coming together as he had hoped… all these things can cause frustration, a dispirited mindset, maybe doubt. But a wife can step in and lift him up with words of encouragement, with physical touch and affirmation that yes, he is still the great man she knows him to be… that yes, he is a child of God, he will overcome, he will succeed, he will prosper…. most importantly that you are by his side, not on the sidelines or watching from afar if he's on the bench for awhile.
No matter what life brings…
No matter how the game ends,
No matter what his triumphs,
No matter what his losses,
He won't have to worry about you putting down your pom poms and walking away….
Instead, you're right there, cheering him on.
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014
But what if you're single? What if you don't have a husband? You can still pray for the man you will marry one day. You can still keep him close to your heart and hope nothing but the best for him, for God to mold him, chisel him… yet while doing that… ask the same of God for yourself. Ask God to help you learn as much as possible, to become the woman your husband will need, to be the woman God desires you to be.
Proverbs 31:10-31 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
there's no such thing as perfection… only progress