names have been omitted in this post
My daughter stood at the French doors, her little hands pressed against the glass dressed in pink hello kitty pajamas peering out at the dreary day.
Rain was promised in the forecast and although we hadn't yet received a single drop, I knew it was impending due to the darkening clouds that had rolled in, hanging..... just hanging there outside like an ominous promise of a downpour to come.
Seated on the couch nearby with a stack of magazines, I watched as she continued to stay pressed to the glass, her hazel hued gaze intently fixed on something in the water below. Cars slowly moved in a procession across the bridge over the water below making their morning commute to work and school.
"Why did Daddy buy a boat?" She asked suddenly.
She had been peering at the boat below from our second story view.
The boat was swaying in the choppy water, being rocked by the wind that was ever increasing. The cover had blown off, the inside was filling with water and it screamed of neglect and abandon.
I didn't know what to say.
I hated that boat.
Well, not the boat specifically.
But what the boat represented.
Too many tears to count
And too much more to even begin to wrap my head around.
I finally managed to find my voice.
"I don't know." I said quietly.
She didn't turn to look at me but kept peering down at the boat. From her profile of soft pink cheeks, tiny up turned nose and soft blonde brown hair I glimpsed her tiny lip curl in frustration.
"He promised us. He promised to take us fishing. He promised he'd take us on the boat. But he didn't. He was seeing another lady. So why did he buy the boat if he was going to see someone? Because he shouldn't have bought it!" she exclaimed with resounding boldness.
I sat there frozen not knowing how to respond and yet my heart pounded in reaction to what she'd said. Her words hung in the air like those black clouds outside the window seemingly bigger than life itself...all consuming and in your face, inescapable.
I had never witnessed her fraught with so much passion over anything in her young life and her voice rang of despair yet fury.
I was at a loss for words.
I didn't know what to say.
The truth was, I was just as hurt, disappointed, and angry about the changing circumstances. But as hurt as I was I knew deep down the answer wasn't to condemn. It wasn't to point fingers and blame. Even when I wanted to. Even though I had already been guilty of it myself behind closed doors where she wasn't witness to it. I knew I had to rise above. Keep my head above water. Even if only for my daughter. She too, was feeling her way through, swimming through the choppy waters however difficult and trying to find her way to a calmer place. To a place of refuge and stillness. To a place of comfort that would hopefully one day lead to healing. A place we both dearly needed to land and keep anchored in.
Tears began to collect at the corners of my eyes and a lump caught in my throat.
My heart ached for her.
For all of us.
Suddenly even for that little boat.
In choppy waters.
It's cover blown.
Water threatening to engulf it.
I reached out to my daughter and hugged her.
Hugged her as the tears, and emotions threatened to overcome and wrack my entire body.
When my youngest sister had died due to a drunk driver, my daughter in the midst of my overwhelming grief and tears had one day put her hand on my arm and said,
"Mommy, I think when we cry God cries too."
At that moment her words echoed in my head.
The soothing words needed then came to me.
As I hugged her I spoke with tears engulfing my eyes,
"I'm so sorry. It's okay to cry. God sees your pain. When we cry I think God cries too. He's here for you."
Just like us, when you or your family is experiencing a choppy life changing experience take heart in knowing that even if you don't have all the answers, God is there and will help guide you to smoother waters. He will hold you as you cry, he sees your pain, he knows it intimately. God will dry your tears and give you comfort needed.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
- Matthew 5:4 (NIV 2011)
He will wipe every tear from their eyes...
- Revelation 21:4 (NIV 2011)
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013
image “Stormy Weather” by dan via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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