names have been omitted in this post
I had set the oven to precisely eleven minutes and ten seconds. When the timer dinged I would have hot Pilsbury chocolate chip cookies ready to eat. I took a seat on the oversized couch opposite my mom and pulled a soft gray blanket over my lap. "What do we have recorded?" I asked her, reaching for my glass on the table beside me. She scrolled through the dvr and spoke "We have that new HGTV show Home Town... you want to watch that?" She asked.
"Yeah, let's check that out." I told her and she selected it. When the first commercial break began and she began fast forwarding it I rose to check on my cookies baking and she spoke "That's the kind of guy you should look for... a big boy that knows how to fix stuff." She said... "I like those old homes, they are cute and reasonably priced." She told me.
From behind the bar in the kitchen I called out... "Yeah, that's attractive.... and red hair wouldn't hurt. You know I like red hair." I smiled... then added "They are really talented. I don't know what town they are in... I'd have to google. But for cottage size homes the prices are more on point there. Those homes that cost a hundred and twenty thousand there would run three hundred thousand to five here. And even if you can afford one of those homes here the taxes eventually squeeze you out. Property taxes here are insane especially considering our roads are riddled with potholes. Looks to me like the money isn't well spent. All I know is we need to find a place more reasonably priced. And near the beach. The day she turns eighteen... "I said referring to my daughter who was at her dad's house that week. "Were out of here. She can go to college wherever we move."
"I agree... if your situation was different we could move now. But that's not happening." She commented.
"Ha!" I laughed "He wouldn't move just because I want to." I said, referring to my ex as I opened the oven and with an oven mitt reached in to withdraw the baking sheet of golden brown cookies. Setting them on the hot pads I'd set on the countertop I spoke "Those Interrogatories he sent are the biggest joke. Page after page of questions about the blog, narcissism and parental alienation." I grimaced, sliding the cookies one by one onto a plate with a spatula.
"He's trying to get it shut down. That's what he ultimately wants." She told me.
"Yeah....he doesn't like the truth exposed. I really think it shoots himself in the foot going after the blog... all it does is bring the focus onto the posts about everything he's done. He's essentially admitting it's about him." I pointed out and carrying the plate of hot cookies over to the couch I settled back in my spot. "I hope the court is going to effectively address all his lies. Because trying to get the truth out of him is about like trying to get a banana from a monkey."
Most people know that lying always has eventual disastrous consequences... tiny lies turn into a multitude of bigger lies and ultimately the trust someone had for you is chipped away bit by bit until it no longer exists. Hence, what happens is the liar experiences a loss of friends, family and in turn loneliness. Not to mention people experience a loss of respect for the liar. Someone is not capable of cheating without lying; the two go hand in hand... it's a sign of lacking character. So when someone lies it makes you question everything about them... if they'd cheat on their spouse would they engage in shady business practices? Yes, most likely. Cheating and lying isn't restricted to certain categories like just marriage or work... you either have good moral character or you don't.
A narcissist doesn't feel guilt or shame when they lie. If they get away with the lies they speak they truly believe they are powerful. They believe they are untouchable. They believe they can get away with nearly anything. As they escape the consequences of lie after lie they become self assured nothing can stop them. They believe all those other people are stupid and dumb. They wear superiority like a crown of gold and sail through life silently smiling how smart they are.
But that's the thing about lies... they eventually run out like money in Vegas or a child's coins at the glass case trying to win a stuffed animal... they may win... for awhile... but not forever.
When a narcissist lies to you and you believe he or she.... they think "What an idiot... you're so stupid you deserve to be lied to..." The narc sees you as someone who deserves any and all negative outcomes in your life... any hardship or financial struggles, any medical or health issues, any emotional trauma or despair... any loss of children, friendships, home, job or even basic peace and joy... all those you deserve to lose.... they seek to destroy you. They will use other people to make that happen. They will lie to anyone they can find to help enable them (sometimes unknowingly) to destroy you further.... therapists, teachers, counselors, Ad Litems, In-Laws, Attorneys, Judges, children, babysitters, mediators, friends, family, etc. It doesn't matter who you are.... you aren't immune.... they will lie and use you to further their agenda of punishment and revenge.
5 Examples Of How A Narc Lies To You:
1. "Little Susie or Johnny is already asleep." Is what he or she says when you ask to speak to your child on the phone whom you share custody of. The truth is... your child is in bed but reading, listening to music, etc... your ex isn't going to allow you to speak to he or she because they are blocking communication and bit by bit hoping to destroy your relationship with them. A narc's one of many favorite weapons is a phone.
2. "Everything is GREAT!" Most people who are healthy individuals realize the balance of being realistic, voicing aggravations in their life yet also expressing their positives and joys. They are able to say "Wow, this day really sucked but I'm blessed to be going home to my family." A narc will paint a picture of pretty that is really not accurate... in the drive to be "positive" and exude the image of pristine perfection they so desperately want to put out there they promote a positivity that is not authentic but instead exaggerated and fake. This positivity is a lie.... as they use it as a poisonous tool to paint things not as they really are.
3."He's a friend of mine." A narc may state or refer to someone as being a friend of theirs but nothing could be further from the truth. Narcs surround themselves with three types of people; the ones they abuse, the ones they use and enablers. (Oftentimes these are interchangeable). They use people but call them friends... when in reality they are not friends... in fact, likely the narc views them with apathy and as a joke to be barely tolerated. They may agree to someone stopping by to see them and bring them lunch everyday; because it feeds their ego and their stomach... but the second they turn their back they say ugly things about them.
4. "There are winners and there are losers." Most people in life are able to recognize that others have strengths and weaknesses and just because you have some weak areas doesn't equate to you being a loser; some people aren't good at math, some people aren't good at planning.... some people are awful at public speaking or creativity. It doesn't make them a loser but instead human as we know we all bring contributions to life that have the ability to bring positive change either through our work or personal lives or both. But a narc only sees winners and losers. You're either acing life or suck at it.
5. "I really want you to have a relationship with our child." This is probably one of their biggest lies because they have brainwashed your child against you and yet try to play the role of someone who laments the loss of your relationship with said child. They talk a good talk and sigh how they wish that was possible... maybe they voice they wish you'd just try harder. Maybe they tell others it makes them sad for you and your child. But the truth is someone who is manipulative does not have any sorrow or regret over the brainwashing and lies they've orchestrated. When your ex tells your child "Do not unblock mommy on your phone. " and yet THEN he tells you: " Like I have stated in the past he does not trust you. He is the child, you are the adult. If you want to be a part of his life you need to make a real effort." (Word for word what my ex has put in writing to me). We know that's all a pile of poo. It's really hard to make an effort when your continued attempts to maintain a relationship have been undermined and thwarted. A manipulative person will say and do anything to make custody go in their favor including lie to anyone.... even their own child.