Those that deny the past are
destined to repeat it…
to stay stuck on that page,
within that dark chapter…
and yet those who remember it vividly,
who vow to never live it again…
unfortunately also live with the painful
memories each and every day of their lives
as their awareness is heightened like
that of an animal being
potentially preyed upon…
as they are determined to not let history repeat itself.
For the past twenty years like a numb soilder I've traveled from one chapter to the next… stumbling into the following story wearing fresh wounds inflicted from the past battle I'd just fought into the next… looking back now I see those that have held common themes in my past.
I see triumph and strength by God.
In life people cross our path and sometimes by the words they speak... their actions, how we quietly observe them in their treatment of not just us but others… we know without a doubt whether they are to be trusted. We know we cannot pull them into our inner circle of trust… because the signs they wear… the warnings they demonstrate like construction workers in florescent garb… they transparently let you know you need to slow down… to watch out and proceed with caution. But what about the others? The ones who aren't so easily identified as evil. We aren't always so easily warned by the less than obvious trolls of toxicity… instead we may be blindsided… and if we haven't properly gained insight into the mask used to hide the hidden evil… we may unfortunately find ourselves back within the devil's grasp….
Sometimes the signs are obvious
that you're playing with fire.
With the Devil.
Other times it's not.
names have been changed or withheld in this post
Increasingly heated words were exchanged between Duc and Bao in Vietnamese… hostility spewing from Duc's mouth as he carried on, his eyes narrowing at me with open dislike. Duc turned to face Bao, now unleashing a string of fury-laced language at him while holding a lit cigarette in one hand, gesturing at me angrily with the other.
Duc was losing control as he would sometimes do… suddenly he grabbed me roughly by the arm and with the lit end of his cigarette went to burn the inside of my arm with the end of it. Bao pulled me away quickly from Duc's grasp… then shoving Duc backward, toppling to the ground in his jeans and shirt... likely injuring his ego more than him... Bao screaming at him infuriatingly in rapid Vietnamese… he was the angriest I'd ever witnessed him… as usually it was Bao attempting to placate Duc and keep him "happy" so to speak… to keep the tornado within him under control… but not this time. Bao had finally had enough… his allegiance was to me before Duc…. it had always been clear I wasn't safe left alone in Duc's presence… and Bao had never risked leaving me alone with him for good reason. Duc quickly regained his balance and glared darkly at us… standing there together, Bao's arm protectively around me, I stood in black jeans and a gray top watching Duc with trepidation… I could sense the weight of Bao's gun in the pocket of his leather jacket and it was a comfort in the presence of Duc. It was then like a light switch, Duc switched over to a maniacal laugh that reverberated through the air as he slowly walked away… leaving Bao and I breathless and shaking… him comforting me in a low tone and expressing thankfully I was alright.
Sometimes it's so obvious were in deep.
Sometimes it's so obvious were playing with fire.
Sometimes it's so obvious were associating with the devil.
We can't deny it.
We can't dress it up pretty and make it something it's not.
We know what it is.
But what about when we don't know?
What about when we have no idea that the person who is holding us and vowing to protect us doesn't mean a word he's uttering? What about the man who appears to be keeping us safe but in reality is the one holding the gun? What about "Mr. Wrong" who comes clothed and packaged as "Mr. Right"?
This evil is so much harder to detect… all the little nuances, all the signs, all the warning flags are harder to perceive for what they truly are. Some people are so good at being covertly evil it's like they have two personalities in one… they are scriptwriters, they are movie makers, play producers… and you are their current leading lady…. you, so as luck would have it… are the chosen one for the part… because you are the opposite of evil…
He knows you donate to the animal shelter, he hears you coo over a newborn babies laugh... he observes your kindness to strangers, watches how you handle bitter loss… he laughs silently within to himself as you dutifully use a blinker to switch lanes with careful ease… all the while he's watching you… grooming you… and he mirrors what you do… showing care, to make himself the perfect partner, your potential soul mate… your one and only… because by doing what you do… following your example of empathy… he gains your admiration, your respect. He listens carefully to you speak of your past… he nods and tells you everything you want to hear… like taking a test... he masterfully answers all the questions with ease and responds appropriately… he listens and as he does he brushes your hair back from your cheek, wipes your tear from your eye and whispers in your ear with his warm breath and seemingly heartfelt reverberation… "I won't ever ever hurt you… I'll always be here for you." Just like that… he has it… he has your trust. You smile gratefully and nod and he knows he's in like flint… he has you, he's captured your heart and you're at his mercy. You erroneously believe you're both in the trenches of life together now… you naively believe you'll fight the battles together… as a team of two… united in love… but you're wrong. One day you will come to see this for what it is… a trick and you're the punchline… one day you'll realize you're in the trench alone… and he's above you… you reach out to him for help and he kicks dirt on your face… he sneeringly laughs at you and says "Gotcha"… and you're left wondering why, why, why…
It has nothing to do with you and yet it has everything to do with you.
He will do this with every woman he is with from here out.
The sociopath has an entire arsenal of evil in his back pocket… some are his strategies that he will use to wield against you… like a game of chess he has the keen ability to plan ahead, to know what ten moves to make next… and some are the people he aligns himself with… people whom he knows will aid in his agenda of manipulation toward you.
10 Warning Flags Of A Sociopath:
1. Charming, large sexual appetite/addiction, fetishes, risk takers.
2. They don't feel any empathy, love, guilt or remorse.
3. Pathological liars, they lie about anything & everything.
4. They are never wrong, they don't feel regret, or look back, they lack self awareness.
5. Has the innate ability to triangulate people and cause division.
6. Lacks rationale, cannot reason with them, as it merely annoys them.
7. Ultimate goal is to con, destroy and "win" at any cost.
8. Avoid answering direct questions, they excel at twisting, spinning and deflecting.
9. Stonewalling, gas-lighting… ability to make you question reality.
10. Watch how they react when confronted with their lies… if presented with hard factual evidence of their deceit they will instead attack the person confronting them versus owning up to their behavior.
The People They Align Themselves With:
The Apath: Sociopaths have an uncanny knack for knowing who will support them in their agenda of conning and destroying others. They carefully choose who to align themselves with… Apath's are people who also have a dislike for the sociopath's target… reasons of their own… perhaps out of jealousy… they are willing participants to the sociopaths plan… they happily choose to be blind and not see the sociopath for who he or she truly is. The apathy is at heart a very fearful person… they are not capable of standing up for what is good and true… they cannot stand up to the sociopaths evil… so they cower and acquiensce to their power. The last thing they want is for the sociopath to turn on them… because they have seen what they are capable of… and in some sense they are looking out for themselves… they will do what is needed to have the sociopath in their corner and get what they need off them for their own benefit in the process.
Sometimes… looking back in life we see the obvious.
We see the obvious evil taking a lit cigarette to our bare innocent arm… sneering at us with dark eyes and laughing as we attempt to squirm away…
And then sometimes evil whispers in our ear and says with warm promises:
"I'll never ever hurt you… you're safe with me."
Only then later…
You realize he was just as evil… maybe more so…
because he led you
to believe he something
he never ever was….
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014