names have been omitted from this post
I’d left work and headed to Target to pick up a few groceries before heading home. The store was unnaturally quiet, as most days it was bustling with hurried shoppers, carts brimming with selections and kids wailing what they wanted for dinner. I stood before the freezers in the frozen food section surveying the bags of frozen vegetables to choose from. I held a small red hand basket and was trying to decide between frozen broccoli or a blend of peas and carrots… finally deciding to just get both I tossed them both in my basket along with milk, cheese and eggs. My phone began ringing and seeing it was my mother I immediately answered… she had known I was stopping by the store on the way home and I assumed she had either thought of something she wanted or there was an issue that had cropped up. It would turn out to be the latter.
I answered and she spoke “Hey… there’s a guy outside the front door. He keeps ringing the bell and banging on the door. I think he’s a process server.” She told me.
I knew it didn’t do her any good to answer the door… they were there to serve me not her. “Don’t answer the door.” I told her “Does he have a clipboard or a manila envelope?” I asked. I knew she was watching him on the monitors we had for the cameras outside the property.
“Yeah, he does… a manila envelope.” She confirmed. “I wanted to let you know in case he’s still here when you get home so you’re not caught off guard.”
“Okay… thank you… I’m leaving here now… I should be home soon.” I told her as I began heading toward the checkout but not without first tossing a package of chocolate cupcakes into my basket … I kinda had an idea I would be wanting those later based on the newest storm coming.
“Alright… and be careful.” She told me and hung up.
After being served I quickly flipped through the papers, my eyes skimming the pages for the highlights and what he was asking for… sure enough… just as I had figured… my ex wanted me to pay for out of pocket medical expenses related to our son and if I didn’t to serve jail time… plus interest, plus garnish my wages… he wanted more time with our daughter versus the fifty-fifty shared custody we had and he wanted the blog shut down citing it as “hurtful and negative”. It really wasn’t any surprise to me… when someone has lost control they try to weasel in and regain it in any way they can through any attempts however miniscule or over the top.
When we’ve dealt with someone who is narcissistic and toxic we know they have an agenda… one that they attempt to frame as what is reasonable when in reality they are far from reasonable. They want what they want… they want to win. That’s the bottom line. Oh, they may try to portray it to the judge that they are looking out for their child’s best interests but in reality they are really looking out for their own selfish interests. A narcissistic sociopath has one major goal… and that is to win at any and all costs. They will throw any amount of money at a problem as they see fit to get the outcome they desire. Their heavy handed litigation, their pit-bull tactics, their outright lying just to plant a seed of doubt as the judge listens to both parties… they will do anything and everything they feel must be done to get what they want.
People scratch their heads wondering why on earth someone would go to such drastic lengths to create so much havoc, chaos and grief… they assume the other party MUST have done something to elicit such an intense reaction… because who has the time, money or even sheer dedication in trying to bring someone down? Sociopaths do. People with evil ways in their soul do. We aren’t talking about regular folk who have a hard time with sin or were a little burned from the fall out of a relationship. Were talking about those who put on a façade of being a good person but behind closed doors aren’t. Were talking about someone who wants to ruin another person and take away their children, spend down their finances to nil and punish them just. because. they. can.
Someone who goes around creating chaos is not one who is following the Holy Spirit but instead who relishes causing pain and grief. Someone who purposely lies and creates a façade of who they are, is not who they claim to be. Someone who does heinous things to others and then expects them to just “get over it” is not repent-full nor is a light in this world but instead darkness and despair. Someone who is not able or willing to be told they are wrong or their behavior is unacceptable has a haughty pride that is not open to hearing the truth or being corrected.
We shouldn’t go around acting like evil people don’t exist… because they most certainly do. To believe or say they don’t is doing someone who has been a target of one a great disservice… and it also denies what the bible says; that there are wolves among sheep and there are wolves who wear sheep’s clothing. A wolf will purposefully charm and give one impression when in reality they are fooling those around them. We know that these types are toxic and excel at fooling judges in family courtrooms regarding the true person and or parent they are… and that is why the general public is so misinformed about the realities of child custody…
Years ago if a parent didn’t have custody of their child… I admit I would have raised an eyebrow and wondered what was wrong with that parent… what did THEY do? I’d wonder to myself… yet all of these experiences we go through in life cause us to pause and reassess the assumptions we are making… they cause us to self reflect and say “Hmmmm… maybe it’s not them… maybe there is more to this story than meets the eye… maybe there is more going on behind the scenes than what we think… “ and it’s true.
NOT EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS AS IT SEEMS
Just because someone doesn’t have custody of their child doesn’t automatically equate to them being a bad parent… it may mean something else entirely… it may very well mean that the child is with the truly toxic one.
(This post to be continued in November )
Anytime you are served it is essential to carefully read the documents and understand them. Once you are served the document may state that you only have 20 calendar days to file your papers in response. If you do not, the court could enter a default judgment against you, and the other parent may automatically be able to get everything they asked for in their complaint. Be cognizant of what you have been served with and double check it for anything you may have missed. As always check with your attorney or legal aid for assistance in anything you are served with to ensure you are doing what is necessary to protect yourself, your children and any finances.