Nothing is ever as it seems.
Regarding a narcissist no truer statement has ever been uttered.
Until you pull back the curtain and see the truth.
During my divorce and even post divorce my ex continually stated:
"If you will let the children bring the cell phone I've provided them to your house they can use it there to call me. And when they return to me you can call them on it to catch up with them."
1.) I wasn't in favor of them having their own phone.
2.) I wasn't having a phone in my home that he'd purchased.
(I didn't trust him so why would I allow a device he could put who knows what on into my home? This is a man who can build a computer from scratch, who developed vehicle tracking devices and once hacked a cell providers website. When I filed for divorce I immediately went out and bought a new iPhone to replace the one he'd just purchased for me).
3.) Why couldn't he just call me on my phone when he wished to speak to the children? I didn't answer the phone. We had zero contact; I'd merely hand the phone to them to speak to him.
So what was the problem?
The problem was he wasn't getting his way.
Hence, a hissy fit. And a continual one at that.
He was angry so he then decided to block me
on our daughter's cell phone he'd bought her.
With a narcissist they are always right and you are always wrong. Rational explaining doesn't work with them. They can't hear you, don't want to and never will. They label you as the irrational, neurotic one while everything they are doing resembles crazy.
The cell phone is a narcissist's favorite weapon of choice. It's their go-to and their ability to use it effectively can make you look like the one who is the issue.
Evening of June 21, 2016
names have been omitted or changed in this post
Missed FaceTime call from daughter.
FaceTime her but no answer.
I FaceTime her again and video comes on but it shows her struggling to hold her cell phone as her father fights to take it from her. I can hear her saying: "STOP IT! GIVE ME THE PHONE! STOP IT!!! GIVE IT TO ME!!!!"
He looks down and to his surprise realizes the video is on (he didn't know that she had figured out how to unblock me on it because he had been blocking my calls and texts) and lets go of the phone "Okay" He says and leaves her bedroom.
Sobbing and coughing from my daughter and her face appears on the screen in her dark room.
"Why are you crying?" My mother asks her.
"I miss you!" She cries.
"I miss you too… but why are you crying?" I ask.
'What's going on over there?" My mother asks her.
"I miss you!!!" She sobs, inconsolable.
"What's the matter sweet pea? I missed your call earlier, tried calling you back but didn't get through."
More sobbing and coughing.
"What have you been up to?" I ask her.
"Nothing!" She exclaims through tears.
"Are you having fun?" My mother asks her.
"You've been over there a little over a week… what have you been up to?" I ask.
"I don't wanna be over here!" She cries.
"Have you talked to Daddy about your feelings?" I ask her.
She shakes her head no and says "Because they are out on the balcony… I haven't got a chance."
"Was there a problem today? Or has there been a problem? What is going on? I haven't talked to you since you got to his house. Why would he take the phone from you? You were yelling for him to give it back."
"I don't know…" She cried.
"Well, what have you been up to?" I ask her.
"It's been boring over here!" She exclaims.
"Did you go to the country club? Have you been swimming?" I ask her.
We hear the dinging of the french doors opening and her father coming back inside the house from being outside on the deck with Georgina.
She whispers "Wait…" and there's silence.
We hear his footsteps coming into her bedroom and him asking in a "concerned" tone "What happened?" Like he didn't know why she was upset. Like he didn't know why she was crying. Like he didn't try to take the phone from her. Like she was upset because of something I'd said or done.
"No! Go away!!!" She yells at him.
"Okay…" He replies in an overly breezy tone and walks out.
10 TIPS FOR PARENTS REGARDING CELL PHONES:
1. You don't have to accept a cell phone, iPad, etc from your ex into your home.
2. You don't have to answer the phone when your ex calls to speak to your child. You can merely hand your child the phone to talk. Same with Skype calls… you don't have to be present for the call.
3. You can record the calls to transcript them for court documentation.
4. You can request scheduled phone times through the court system. Follow it.
5. Part of your job as a parent is to teach your child boundaries (because we know a personality disordered parent isn't capable and won't) and part of that is recognizing that the children have scheduled times to speak with each of their parents and that an open calling policy is a breeding ground for the narc to phone obsessively and purposely interrupt time together.
6. If you have supervised visits the supervisor should not have access to the children's cell phone if provided one.
7. If the children's cell phone is taken from them and given to the narc's attorney you have the right to file a police report and have it returned.
8. It is always best to have a tracking app put on your children's cell phone if you choose to provide them one.
9. If your child is using the narcs phone and has access to adult texts, nude photos, etc report it to police. It's a crime for children to be exposed to porn. If possible take screen shots and email them to yourself and print them for court. Or take the sim card. File a police report and use it in court.
10. Be careful what you text your child. Keep it light and affectionate. Your ex may have an app that sends every text you and your child exchange to his/her computer.
www.gracepowerstrength.com - 2016