A person cannot expect to be in a healthy relationship by wearing down whom they are pursuing or are already in a relationship with through tactics of intimidation, pity, coercement, fear, etc. It will always fail. That isn't love, that is entrapment.
~ Jennifer Gafford
A partner saying: "You complete me" essentially equals them depleting you… it's a hallmark sign when someone says "I feel complete with you" that they are not healthy. In fact, it's a sign that a relationship with them will be downright toxic. When someone expects someone else to complete them, make them feel whole, etc… they are placing pressure and unrealistic expectations upon whom their with. We all have expectations in our relationships. That isn't the issue. What matters is more specifically what are our expectations? Are they healthy?
I expect my partner to treat me with kindness and respect
I expect my partner to be loyal and faithful to me
I expect my partner to be there for me but not be my everything
I expect my partner to spend time with me
I expect my partner and I to feel closer as the relationship progresses
I expect my partner to feel complete and whole on their own
I expect my partner to take care of their physical and mental health
Questions To Ask Yourself:
1. Does this person expect me to make them feel good about themselves?
2. Does this person expect me to boost their ego and confidence?
3. Does this person expect me to be their everything?
4. Does this person expect to spend all their time with me?
5. Does this person smother me?
6. Does this person drain me or energize me? Do they whine? Plead? Manipulate? Guilt Trip?
7. Does this person make me feel guilty when I set boundaries or attempt to with them?
8. Does this person make me exasperated because they don't or won't grasp the issue at hand?
9. Does this person make me feel bad for them? Sorry for them? Does their guilt make me change?
10. Does this person expect more from me than I am willing or able to give and are they expecting much more from me than what they are willing to do for me?
Both men and women who are comfortable in their own skin, who are taking care of their physical health, who are receiving therapy if needed, who know that no one can make them feel complete and whole are practicing self care. Men and women who are not dependent upon someone else to make them happy are ready for a relationship. We attract what we are living. It's one thing to expect your partner to be a safe place for you… they should be… a soft place for you to land after the hardness of the world each day… they should be a place where you feel heard and understood… most of all LOVED.
BUT... they can't be your everything. That's draining. That's life detracting. That's not sailing on a ship somewhere beautiful… instead it's one person hanging an anchor around your neck and making you drown ever so slowly and painfully to your inevitable death.
© gracepowerstrength.com 2015