names have been omitted in this post
this post contains language
Wind swept through the open sunroof overhead but my bun atop my head was left unruffled, held together by bobby pins. Wearing oversized Jackie O style sunglasses, slim black slacks, a gray pullover and light leather jacket I marveled at how pretty the weather was. The day had started out cold but sunny and as it had progressed the sunshine had warmed everything up. I navigated traffic by the local high school that was vacant and quiet due to it being Thanksgiving weekend and students being out. Pulling into the hilly parking lot I made my way over to Cost Plus World Market. Being off work and enjoying the afternoon I didn't need a thing but planned to browse and if they had any purchase some extra skewers for toasting marshmallows in a fire pit. When I'd been married I had always wanted to spend fall and winter evenings toasting marshmallows and making smore's surrounded by loved ones, music playing and making memories. But that had never come to fruition.... my ex had always vetoed that and shut down the possibility of it happening.
After exiting Cost Plus World Market adorned with all the Christmas sparkle and shine I began my drive toward home... with one last stop to pick up some milk. As I drove with the stereo playing "It Ain't My Fault" by Brothers Osborne I vaguely heard my cell phone make a ping sound in the background. Slowing to a red light ahead I picked up the phone and looked at the screen. It had one sentence. One simple sentence that would deliver instant anger from me.
"You got a thick manila envelope." It stated.
My mother was letting me know that my ex had once again sent something. Some new sack of shit had arrived. I tossed the phone back into the cup holder and pressed the gas at green to go. Once home I walked in and set my shopping bags and Italian leather clutch down "Okay... where is it" I asked, "What the hell does he want now?"
My mother gestured to the dark kitchen bar countertop and I strode over to it taking a pair of scissors to slice one end of it open. Once I retrieved the stack of papers I headed to the couch to begin reading. I skimmed the pages quickly first and then began reading closer from front to back.
"So basically it's the new ruling by the judge that she drew up after trial.... outlining the reunification therapy for my son and I and some of our old decree regarding holiday and birthday child possession. Then a bunch of new crap thrown in as well. They are asking that my entire estate if I was to die while the children are minors go to him to manage if I’m reading this correctly... to cover child support. What does he think he’d get? You can’t squeeze anything out of a turnip." I told her. "And like that would ever happen if I had anything to do with it." I sneered. "It's also stating that he wants the right to leave Tarrant County if he so chooses. What’s he about to do? Have me knocked off and then leave town? I don’t trust him further than I could throw him.”
"What the heck?" She replied "It's not even worth the paper it's on." She retorted.
"I can't believe a tree was wasted for this." I said with astonishment and tossed the packet onto the coffee table like the smut it was. "I have to come up with my reasons I don't agree and send it in before the judge signs off on it. I have ten days. I'd like to put a big ‘F YOU’ on it in black marker and send it back." I snapped. "I'd like him to leave me the hell alone."
"Could he?!" My mother snapped back.
"It's so unbelievable to me... five years. We've been divorced FIVE years. And he never stops filing shit. He just keeps on doing this... for God's sake leave it alone. Go the hell away. " I told her. "It's like having a mosquito that keeps coming back at you... and you can't ever smash it."
"No... no that's not it. It's more like a pustule that's red, angry, painful and oozing...that you can't ignore." She replied with disgust.
"On your ass?" I asked.
"No, on your face... where everyone can see it and see what it's doing.... but you can't do anything to fix the freaking problem." She retorted.
"Yep. Yeah, that's it.” I replied
YOU CAN'T HIDE. YOU CAN'T RUN. YOU CAN'T GET AWAY. AND YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM STOP.
AND THE WORST THING ABOUT IT ALL IS EVERYTHING THEY DO TO TERRORIZE YOU IS COMPLETELY LEGAL; AIDED BY A FAMILY COURT SYSTEM THAT IS HAPPY TO ENABLE YOUR EX'S AGGRESSIVE AND OVER THE TOP TACTICS TO GAIN POWER OVER YOU. YOU CAN'T STOP THEM. YOU CAN'T HIDE IN A CLOSET LIKE A CHILD. YOU CAN'T DON A MASK AND BECOME INVISIBLE. YOU CAN'T WIGGLE YOUR NOSE OR CLICK YOUR HEELS TO FIX IT. YOU CAN'T CONTINUE TO HIRE ATTORNEYS BECAUSE THEY BLEED YOUR WALLET DRY AND MAKE IT ALL WORSE ANYWAY. YOU CAN'T JUST SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING. YOU COULD LEAVE AND GO TO A COUNTRY WITH NO EXTRADITION BUT THEY'D FIND YOU. YOU'D RISK ALL SORTS OF RAMIFICATIONS WITH THE LAW IF YOU WERE EVER CAUGHT BY DISAPPEARING BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE PEOPLE SEARCHING FOR YOU WITHOUT COSTS INCURRED. AND THE TRUTH IS A SOCIOPATH WON'T JUST GIVE UP. THEY WILL TRACK YOU DOWN ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVE THE FINANCIAL MEANS TO TERRORIZE YOU MORE. BASICALLY YOU'RE SCREWED AND FORCED TO PLAY THEIR SICK AND NEVERENDING GAME. YOU SIT THERE, A GOOD PERSON AND BLINK IN BEWILDERMENT THAT SOMEONE SO EVIL, SO RUTHLESS, SO HELL BENT ON CAUSING CONTINUAL CHAOS AND GRIEF CONTINUES TO GET AWAY WITH IT. THEY CONTINUE TO POUR SALT ON AN ALREADY OPEN WOUND AND YOU WONDER WHY THE HECK NOTHING EVER TOUCHES THEM. WHILE MONSTERS LIKE THIS ROAM FREE SOME INNOCENT KID ON A STREET CORNER GETS SHOT. YOU WONDER WHY SO MANY GOOD PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING AND ASSHOLES LIKE THIS CONTINUE TO SKIP AND DANCE THEIR WAY EVER SO SLOWLY TO HELL. YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND SOMETHING SO MIND BOGGLING. THAT PEOPLE OUT THERE BEHAVE THIS WAY AND THINK IT'S PERFECTLY FINE AND CAN ACTUALLY SLEEP AT NIGHT WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD. IT'S MERELY SPORT AND YOU'RE THE GAME THEY DON'T WANT TO QUIT.
You walk along chained to the heartless Tin Man and you, Dorothy are trying to find a Savior in a land of Oz. Someone who will help and yet no one can or will. I can tell you that a narcissistic sociopath will go to any lengths whatsoever they must go to in destroying you. They will spend any amount of money they can get their hands on, lie on the stand as my ex did at trial and become so obsessed with ruining you both emotionally and financially that it's unbelievable to most folks. They cannot fathom it and neither can you. As one of my friends recently said "He's a monster. I don't understand why he hates you and keeps trying to ruin your life."
A NARC DOES WHAT THEY WANT TO CAUSE CHAOS
AND IT'S NEVER THEIR FAULT.
THAT'S THEIR FAVORITE TUNE THEY LIVE TO.
She's as baffled as most are.... he has supporters and yet that's also what he counts on... people that automatically take what he twists and spins to make it appear as though I’m the issue and his bloody hands are clean.
“He couldn’t even wait to send something till after the holidays were over. It’s so unbelievable.” My mother shook her head.
People who continue to show who they are through their actions... don’t doubt what those actions show. They believe they are entitled to treat you poorly. They laugh while you run around stressed and panicked trying to figure it all out and what to do because it’s all fun to them. The next target has no idea she’s signed on with the devil himself. She needs to be in fear. She needs to be making an exit plan. She needs to be watching her back. Because her turn is coming. And who she thought was the greatest person ever will slowly surely turn on her and reveal who he really is.
When he’s leering at other women and she’s not taking it seriously. When he’s espousing frustration and hidden pent up rage and snapping “Will you just LET me?!!” at her because she just wants to voice an opinion or give a helping hand. When he’s driving like a bat out of hell because he’s mad and she sits there in pained silence afraid to address it. When they bicker and fight because he's cheating again and you know he is because you've caught him doing so. When she begins relying on her girlfriends as a sounding board about him because he’s being a jerk again... it will happen... little by little.
Along with the tiny bursts of good to make her fleetingly think it’s all wonderful again... until one day she will look up and realize she’s sitting, sinking in a dark dirty ugly pit of a mess... and when she looks up there he will be shoving her down further when she reaches out to him for help. She will learn that the one who she relies on in life will one day be very happy for her to lose everything ***HE***gave her... because in his mind it wasn’t for forever... it was merely temporary.