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disclaimer:
This post highlights the domestic violence by men against women. I am very aware there are instances of domestic violence by women against men
This blog post contains affiliate links and ads which means I may make a small commission at no cost to you.
For many folks when the term domestic violence is used images of wives being shoved or pushed into a wall by a husband is what comes to mind. Or maybe it's an angry fist punch by him to his wife's delicate face while the children watch on in horror or are privy to it from the next room. It could be imagery of black eyes, cuts and scrapes or even broken bones. Maybe there is a mental snapshot of a husband pointing a loaded gun or knife at his wife and threatening her life. Regardless of the scenario domestic violence which is often also referred to as hidden abuse or intimate abuse remains for the most part today a private issue behind closed doors that most of society feels should stay that way... unseen, unheard and at the first glimpse it exists to be quickly swept under the rug. Regardless of the physical wounds what we often do not realize is that domestic violence is not always physical. Often it is psychological which won't leave bruises on a body yet will leave many mental wounds such as anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, depression, suicidal thoughts and more. The glaring truth of this book is that abuse that doesn't leave bruises is just as damaging as abuse that does and perhaps even more so.
An award winning journalist, author Rachel Louise Snyder shares a behind the scenes rare glimpse into the world of domestic violence in her book No Visible Bruises. She delves into multiple stories of those intimately affected by abusers and the aftermath affects it has not only on those close to the victims but all of society. Rachel explores how the issue of domestic violence is not merely one sole issue but a myriad of issues that run deeply intertwined and must be effectively addressed in order to truly solve this crises. She completely understands upon her investigation that this issue of domestic violence is not an occasional incident but instead one that has sadly reached epidemic levels and affects those of all socio-economic levels. In her search for what other concerns must be combated it's very clear that domestic violence is also closely linked to lacking education, patriarchal misogynistic mindsets, ignorant or enabling family members, addictions to drugs and alcohol, uninformed law enforcement, uneducated court systems and more. It takes important work such as Snyder's for us to truly see how all of the factors mentioned are intimately tied to the abusive behaviors going on behind closed doors... forever affecting families and fracturing them which leads to wounded communities that do not thrive as they should and potentially could. 
In her book Rachel takes an intimate look at several stories of domestic violence which highlight the signs of the abuse taking you through all the daily red flags that occur with it. Questions that often aren't initially thought of but that do point to more below the surface such as does a husband get mad when his wife works outside the home? Is he of the belief that women belong in the kitchen and are the sole providers of domestic duties? Does he become petulant or violent when she refuses to have sex with him because she's exhausted? Is money a strain or issue? Is there a lack of education or even an ignorant limited mindset of true partnership, respect and how love should be shown? One of the stories most highlighted in her book is about a young woman named Michelle Monson Mosure. Rachel shares how Michelle's death was the first case for Montana's fatality team to review. Her case was what spearheaded the changes that needed to happen. Her abuser; husband Rocky would not have been allowed to bail out of jail today unlike back when leading up to the horrific death of Michelle, their children and himself. She did not have adequate time to create a plan of action for herself and her children when it came to safety and protection for them. Instead Michelle was met with purposeful violence that ended in death by Rocky that likely could have been prevented and did later ultimately save the lives of many more victims of domestic violence. The signs were there all along.... it's just like in so many of these cases people don't recognize them for what they are; signs of abuse. People often just shake their heads and say things like "Oh, he can be a little controlling" , "He's old-school", or maybe "He wore the pants in the house". Yet what they often won't acknowledge is that those seemingly innocent phrases really allude to much more below the surface in a home. Between two spouses. What one spouse endures and perhaps children witness or suffer through too. For Michelle and Rocky the signs were clearly there. He chronically filmed her in her underwear in home movies despite her protestations. One would think maybe that oddish behavior but not over the top. Yet the truth is it shows a clear sign of disrespect by Rocky for his wife. He was by all accounts in his actions showing he did not believe her to have the right to say no. To her state needs or wants. To set boundaries. For men who abuse their wives they do not believe wives have a right to state what is permitted or not. Instead they often purposefully over step. Then again. And again. Phrases like "he was just teasing" might come to mind to some folks. That perhaps a husband filming his wife in her underwear was him just being silly and for people to not take such offense to something that wasn't seemingly harmful. But that is the thing. It is harmful. Ignoring what one requests as a need, as a boundary... as Rachel points out is the loss of power. Someone wins. And it wasn't Michelle. Yet ultimately no one wins... everyone loses in the tragedy of homicide. As someone who endured emotional abuse in her own twelve year marriage and was controlled, was belittled behind closed doors, praised in public and on social media I can so relate to the stories Rachel highlights in her book. Domestic violence takes many forms... not just in bruises. All the hurtful emotional and verbal actions that lead to bruised hearts and minds... that lead to inner wounds that are difficult to heal from and that may take years. Domestic violence may start as emotional or verbal yet stands a very high chance of one day becoming physical and leading to homicide. It's so incredibly important for both genders to realize that all the assumed cliched remarks made by husbands like "my old lady" or "my woman" are not innocent statements but signals a man that engages in a patriarchal type thinking of where men are superior and women are owned... which leads to those words being played out in actions towards his wife. I would highly recommend Rachel's book to both men and women to promote insight and education into what domestic violence really is and the roots of where it takes place and grows in modern society affecting not just families but our communities and the world today. For folks to realize what may often be perceived as not a big deal or not relating to them instead is an issue that affects us everywhere; from the focus children may not have in their school work due to violence at home, to the mishandled cases in the family court rooms due to lack of full information regarding perpetrators and education on violence to advocates who do not realize the signs of hidden abuse behind closed doors until hindsight in the aftermath of tragic preventable endings. It is imperative that we as a society begin taking domestic violence seriously and doing what we can to help victims who do give clues or blatantly speak out asking for help and intervention. We are currently failing our women and children who we are losing in great numbers in I dare say, an apathetic and throw away society. In our country alone, in the United States domestic violence accounts for a large percentage of all violence. Yet sadly we are not intervening as we could and preventing such horrific acts upon humanity. I am hopeful eyes will be opened in reading Snyder's book and more progress will be made in this battle. Because domestic violence is violence against the innocent and a war that should not have ever begun.  
This blog post contains affiliate links and ads which means I may make a small commission at no cost to you.
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