Examples of Gas-Lighting In Relationships

This post contains affiliate links and ads which means I may make a small commission at no cost to you by clicking to purchase.

​The biggest hallmark red flag that we are being gas lighted in a relationship is that we are living in a state of self doubt, questioning ourselves and our perception and our mind is a stage of confusion. Gas lighting is by far one of the most insidious forms of abuse and namely emotional abuse that there is. 


What Are Some Examples of Gas-Lighting In Relationships? ​
You sit there at work and your boss tells you "if you make any mistakes you are going to be let go"... leaving you scratching your head in confusion wondering when it is that you made a mistake and certainly one to warrant such a strong almost seemingly threatening statement. You now question your work you've accomplished thus far and it's quality when you never have before. You've always strived to do a good job and please your boss. In fact, you could even go so far as to say you probably need to be signed up for a people pleasing recovery program. You're likely an empath and or a highly sensitive person with high morals, integrity and work ethic.


Gas-Lighting Creates Confusion On Purpose
You haven't been given of any indication that you've done a bad job or been a difficult employee as you've never been scolded, given a bad review or written up or even marched into the HR department. Now you're reeling from this statement and questioning, ruminating, even obsessing over what on earth you did to make he or she so angry. Now you face two options; work your hardest, making yourself sick and crazy over every little thing you do... or don't do...  or resign and sadly move on from work you really love and a place you love but a boss that has an agenda. Yes, you are being gas lighted. Yes, your boss is unhealthy.  If you have given zero  reason for your boss to make such a statement to you and you can't determine for the life of you what the problem is... and nothing has been communicated to you regarding evidence of such,  the simple fact is your boss doesn't like you and is wedging you out. Just because he or she can. You cannot believe it but it's true. You very likely did not do anything wrong. But bosses are people too sometimes with toxic  competing egos and possibly personal biases that sway their decision making and if they are on the personality disorder spectrum they are toxic plain and simple. They are also highly likely a gas lighter. 


​Gas-Lighters Are Abusers
The same can be said for your spouse or partner in life. If they are telling you "you look like crap" or "you're really difficult to do life with" then you may question if you really do look like crap or if you are difficult to do life with. You may study yourself in the mirror with uncertainty. Or maybe you've been ill lately and you're still trying to recover and they know that yet are acting terrible toward you. Verbal abuse is abuse.  This can happen behind closed doors or in front of friends and family... if it's amped up later. Typically gas lighting remarks  begin behind closed doors because the gas lighter doesn't want any witnesses to their behavior and want others to believe they are not the problem but that you are. Also if there aren't witnesses to their words you are the only one who can say it's happening and they can claim you're crazy or acting "off" if you confide in anyone.  If the gas lighter acts like their opinion is gospel and are speaking from an authoritarian confident stand and are obsessed with how you make them look as your image affects their narcissistic image... trust me, you are dealing with a gas lighter.


Gas-Lighting Is About Power
A gas lighter is focused on power which means using statements to reel your behavior in to meet their standards and then when you don't comply (compliance is everything to them) then you will likely be exposed to a variety of very ugly lashing out behaviors like rage, grandstanding (playing the martyr and fake crying, self pity play) to make you comply either out of fear or even guilt. This behavior is very common for men and women who have a personality disorder. You can see you how a gas lighters behavior causes self doubt and confusion. It causes doubt, then the desperate need to try harder in the relationship, jumping like a trained seal of sorts (that's what it feels like) to make them happy and PROVE that you are not a problem and do look great, and that you are capable in your abilities to do life with them and even sadly that you are worthy of being loved by them. Unfortunately it just doesn't work that way.... and instead likely what reality is is they are probably cheating and about to discard you... maybe they have someone lined up to replace you so they can gain new supply from someone else. With a a gas lighter they are very focused on manipulating others to get what they want and they do not care about anyone else's feelings or their family and how they negatively affect them in any way what so ever. 


Knowledge About Gas-Lighting Is Key
​I hope this post provided you some information about gas lighting in relationships and how they really affect our life negatively. I believe it's extremely important for men and women to know about this form of emotional abuse because it's very common in all areas of life... it can happen in our work life, personal life and even out and about in our daily life or online interactions. I believe this knowledge can help other open their eyes to the reality of what they may be enduring and from there they can make some decisions about what to do next to recover from it. Once you begin recovery you will begin to see yourself and life in general with clarity and no more confusion and begin setting better boundaries with those who engage in gas lighting in relationships. 


​I hope you'll check the book on gas-lighting out here  I recently read and highly recommend. It's really helped me learn more about gas lighting in relationships and see the red flags much more quickly than before. Below I have more additional links to resources you may find helpful regarding gas-lighting. 

This post contains affiliate links which means I may make a small commission at no cost to you by clicking to purchase.