 names have been omitted in this post Today we're talking recovery... specifically recovery from narcissistic abuse. How do I do that you may ask. Well for those just entering this phase of life after either leaving a narcissist or being left that can feel quite daunting for sure. There is a lot to consider and accomplish in our recovery process and as we progress on we can see that it's certainly a marathon not a sprint.
So what can you do to help yourself with recovery? One of the biggest positive impacts on your recovery will without a doubt be increasing your self confidence. Think about it... if we've been gas-lighted into thinking we're stupid, worthless, lazy, deserving of punishment or abuse, etc... we will likely have seen our self confidence go down the tank. The truth is most empath targets of narcissistic abuse are actually quite intelligent, amazing, driven and want to live their best life. It stands to reason that if we are subjected to long term abuse especially emotional abuse that any self confidence we had at one time will be be systematically destroyed by these miserably cruel heartless people otherwise known as narcissists. Narcissists prey on willfully independent people with gifts, talents, and a big dose of empathy to lure in, (via love-bombing and mirroring) to capture emotionally and sexually and then slowly over time annihilate them through tactics like gas-lighting, projection, stonewalling, triangulation, silent treatment and more. Even if you at the time were down on yourself and didn't see those great qualities in yourself the narcissist for sure did. As a target loses more of him or herself through these tactics their reality becomes distorted by the abuser and before long they no longer trust their gut instinct. They become dependent on this crazy maker that informs them of how to think, how to feel (or not) and how to comply. With objectivity now stripped how on earth can a target ever operate with a solid sense of self and a healthy dose of self esteem and confidence? The quick simple answer is they can't. If you're familiar with my support sessions and this aspect of coaching you will know I'm a big believer that getting our self confidence elevated; even going from zero to two will begin making positive advances in our recovery. By increasing our self confidence we are creating an "I can do that!" attitude which translates to living well after being beat down for so long and most importantly TRUSTING ourselves again. So what increases self confidence? Trying or accomplishing anything you are interested in doing but that also kinda scares you... or maybe scares you a lot. For me the list below resonates so much and I'm sure it will for many others. One of the very first things I learned how to do in the initial recovery stages was learn how to mow the yard. I grew up not being shown how to do this. And being married for twelve years I was always told "It's easy!". For many the accomplishment of mowing the yard might not seem like much especially if you're a guy and have been mowing your lawn for years... but for many women this may resonate. If you always felt intimidated by something this is now your chance to try whatever it may be. I bought a mower, an edger and a gas can and before long I felt empowered in maintaining my yard. At some point I may get a lawn service but for now it's good exercise and what a great feeling of accomplishment. Anything that makes you feel empowered from small to big can be a nice boost to your self confidence and help you in your recovery journey. Some examples of these activities are: Taking a class - painting, ceramics, writing, etc Learning to shoot a gun - shooting range Book club Public speaking Volunteering Researching designing flowerbeds and planting your backyard Building a deck, pergola, potting bench, or fire pit for your backyard Horseback riding (on my list in the near future after the corona virus hopefully dissipates) Painting the interior of your home Starting a side business Zip-lining, para-sailing, etc Learning to cook or bake Learning how to swim or ride a bike Taking a motorcycle safety course and obtaining your motorcycle license Planning a vacation if you've never planned one Learning a computer system you're not familiar with like Publisher, Excel, Power Point, etc Teaching yourself photography or taking a class, creating a portfolio and selling your work Writing a book Learn how to drive a boat Take up running and run a marathon Take up kickboxing, yoga, dance Comments are closed.
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